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| Define (excess) Baggage ...
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I once registered on an online dating site thinking this was the only way a Single Mum of two would be able to meet people. I read with interest prospective men's profiles, and I was amazed at how many stated they didn't want women with BAGGAGE.
At first this made me think I was in the wrong place, I was only 4 months into my separation, but knowing FOTY was dating (albeit the same girl - JS) I thought I should do the same.
Apparently I had baggage - because I had what some men considered the biggest baggage - 2 kids. I also had baggage in the form of hurt feelings and betrayed heart.
So does that mean I am now damaged goods? or "have baggage?" as they put it.
I then had a friend try to set me up with a friend (this was soooo common) but he told her I needed to be at least 12 months out of my relationship - because I'd HAVE baggage.
What do men expect nowadays? Do they expect women who have lived at home with their parents until they arrive romantically on the scene?
Surely a woman with baggage - or as I prefer to call it EXPERIENCE is far better than a young naive lady who cries over spilt milk?
I don't know, I consider myself experienced in the ways of relationships. I sometimes consider myself the "hurt" party because I was the one that was left behind.... but I would NOT say I had baggage.
Sure I still feel hurt every now and again, but that just reminds me how precious people who I like are.
How about them apples, men????
btw - I now much prefer to meet men in person and feel the chemistry or lack there of! |
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Posted by EasyToSay on 2008-02-26 01:43:21 | Rating: | Views: 233
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Ok, I will weigh in:
Many guys see kids as baggage, and they are wrong. Kids are a great addition to life and are only an issue if the ex is going to make life hard by being unrealiable about taking them and that kind of stuff, but if you have PLAN B when you need it(like you two have a great romantic weekend planned and the jerk calls on Friday to say he can't take the kids...have a friend as a back up)
As for emotional. well I get a sense you have moved on from the ex. So that would not be an issue, but some might think it is. They are wrong in your case.
Men have baggage too, the cheerleader that said no, the exwife that left, the woman that said you stunk as a lover...so do not think that you are the only gender that does, and men need to remember that.
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Posted by whiteknight
on 2008-02-26 07:46:15
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I've said those words before, when I was young and didn’t know any better. And I haven't, nor will I EVER say them again.
Everyone has baggage, and if someone tells you they don't, then you know they may have more baggage then they realize. If you ask me, thats even worse.
To me baggage is something a person has that they can't overcome. Like a drug addiction. If someone is using a drug, and it affects their life and people in that life, then that would be some baggage. An “X” can easily be baggage if he threatens the new guy or won’t leave you alone, or you can’t get over him. Many women have father issues with their daddy’s. There are many things in life that can become excess baggage.
Being divorced is not baggage,… if you can accept it and move on without holding on to the past. Many people keep divorce as a baggage because they think things might get back to the way they ONCE were, or many other excuses.
The kids can be baggage. They take up a lot of time, energy, money, attention, affection, you name it. But they man you want to date......... simple won't care. Maybe he's got some kids of his own and he understands how hard it can be. Or maybe he just loves kids and can relate to what you must be dealing with.
At some point you need to make it clear to these men or “the Man” of what you are looking for and expect in a new lover. Especially when it comes to your children. I’ve read or heard recently that men feel that they need to be the savior. The Hero’s tale. Or maybe that’s just American men. Not sure on that one. It can be overwhelming for some men to date woman with children for fear of not living up to the expectations, or for being thrown into the father role before they are ready.
I’ve dated woman with kids, and it was fine because I knew, or I made it clear that I wasn’t ready to play the father role. It didn’t work out, but that wasn’t because of the kids. I’ve also meet many nice people on dating web sites. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. It’s a nice way to find out information about them before you actually meet them. Dating is hard, and why not get a jump start to make the experience a little easier and better. Plus you have better odds at meeting the right person for you in this new life you have online, then you would at randomly meeting someone on the street or at a bar.
Sorry its long......Just my thoughts.....
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Posted by AndrewJames3
on 2008-02-26 13:02:41
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Baggage...I agree, we all have baggage of some kind be it our childhood phobias, hurts or traumas, a divorce in our childhood or our own divorce and then, not getting over the divorce. I think baggage is what we hold on to which is not good for us and not in our highest good. You can fill the blank here.
Dating is hard, no question about that, but I found online dating to be awful. Too many men I met were like kids in a candy store, too many women to choose from and no real desire to "settle" for one when the next one could be even better! I'm sure there are women out there who do the same thing. It wasn't for me. I've joined Meet-up groups in my area and other groups such as hiking and travel groups. This has worked out better for me. Good luck! I feel you have moved on, so don't worry so much about baggage! Kids aren't baggage with the right man.
Peace.
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Posted by Ellie2008
on 2008-02-27 15:59:23
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