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| Change of heart? or hidden agenda?
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Foty emailed me this morning just as we were about to leave.
He requested that he collect the children Friday evening for a sleep over and he would return them Saturday afternoon at the usual time.
As I read the email I felt an uneasy, quesy feeling. But being the fair person I am, I asked the children if they would like to go stay at their Dad's overnight. They were already staying at one of their friends for the evening, as I have a night out planned (I'm seeing a Band with the Committee).
Their instant reaction was a (distressed) "NOOOOOOOOO."
I calmed them by reminding them they were going to their friends but did they want to go to FOTY's instead, I got the same wail - "Noooooooooooo".
So I email him back and nicely tell him that they have already got a sleepover organised, and when I asked them if they'd rather go to his house, they said no.
He'd also asked me whether Miss 8 really had a party tomorrow (Tuesday) night? Hence the reason he won't be coming. So I confirmed that YES she did have a birthday party - which I swear is true.
Just a coincidence that it is a week after we had our Shoot Out!
So I leave for work, dropping the kids off at their respective starting points for the day.
Traffic is particularly busy, so I grab the work blackberry (which I use to support Blackberry's) and scan my emails, and here is his reply ....
"Where are they staying?"
Nothing more, nothing less .... Uneasy feeling creeps back in ... so I decide I couldn't be bothered having an email discussion - I call him on his mobile - he hangs up on me .... I wait a few moments, thinking he's calling me back - we used to do this to say our personal phone costs. He doesn't call me - so I try his mobile again - he hangs up on me again.
So I call him on his work number, he picks it up and hangs up on me - it's obvious this is what he's done. I start to get a bit angry at this - so I dial his work number again ... and he finally answers :-
"Oh, sorry I was just trying to call you back," he gushes.
"Doesn't matter," I say, following with "Why do you want to know where the kids are staying?"
"Oh, nothing, I'm just interested." He replies in a polite voice.
So I justify to him where they are staying, and once again confirm that the kids will be at a party after school tomorrow night - and he sort of does that "guffos" sort of sound - sort of a mixture between a sigh and a protest.
I ask him does he think I'm making it all up?
He says - Oh no, of course not .... and regardless of what I THINK, he doesn't believe I would do that.
I tell him I would never discourage the kids from seeing him, and that I WOULDN'T do that to THEM!!!!
I think he takes my point, and makes some awkward noise again, then silence, he's usually running away from the phone by now.... I sense it's about our "Shoot-Out".... so I say
"Okay, I regret what happened last Tuesday ... but I will NOT be aplogising in any way shape or form."
He's obviously been thinking about it - because he says - well that's fair enough.
I can see how you would feel like that - but I can't help it if someone tells you before I get a chance to!
I feel the blood rushing up my neck, and I bite my tongue....... (I think of AndrewJames3's advice) and I start to blurt out
"Well you needed ......" and I stop and count to 5, and think more of AndrewJames3 's advice.
"Look I'm not getting into that again."
I finally say composed and glad I didn't get sucked into the conversation about how if he'd wanted to let me know first about him getting engaged to the girl he cheated on me with - then he should have made more of an effort and NOT put it ON FACEBOOK first - or spread it around his work first.....
The phone conversation ends and I am left to ponder all day about why suddenly after 10 months does he actually want the kids to stay over night at his place.
Does he want to finally introduce his future wife to them??
Is he trying to win them over again?
What is his hidden agenda.... which would be normal paranoia for others, but for me well this is what I have to put up with for at least 10 years!!!
God make it go quickly! Because I just hate that queasy, uneasy, insecure feeling he so easily puts on me.
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Posted by EasyToSay on 2008-02-25 06:59:25 | Rating: | Views: 115
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I hope my advice is working for you. I'm glad to hear you are holding your grounds and not apologizing!!
I don't think he has any hidden agenda with the kids. I think he is making a step in the right direction and is attempting to reconnect with them. Which, at this age will be very important. They already don't want to go over there, when in fact, they should want to spend time with their father. The sooner the better. I know they already have plans and I'm sure the kids will be crushed if they didn't go. But in the long run what will be more important. Spending a night with a friend, or taking the first step to reconnect with the father.
If I was foty, I would just move the sleep over back a night to accomodate everyone involved.
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Posted by AndrewJames3
on 2008-02-25 13:01:37
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If he really has the right intentions that I am sure he will not mind rescheduling for them. It's great that you are not using your kids to get back at eachother like so many people do.
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Posted by qwerty12
on 2008-02-25 23:04:05
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Qwerty12 - you are so right IF he has the right intentions - but so far if he has something on, on the given day or night he's supposed to see our kids he just cancels - he doesn't reschedule.... even after I suggest such.
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-02-25 23:41:25
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Sounds fishy to me...let's see if he reschedules. It would be in everyone's best interest to do so...and good for you for not apologizing and holding your ground! Peace
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Posted by Ellie2008
on 2008-02-26 09:59:09
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Ellie - that's the problem he DIDN't RESCHEDULE ...... wonder when he will ask again? He should have said OK well how about next week then.
Also I think he should ask the Children first or at the same time he asks me - they are old enough to know what they want and what they don't want!!!
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-02-26 19:02:20
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