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April 20th 2007 was the day that FOTY moved out. Almost 12 months ago .......
We cried together on that day as he packed his car with the final items he'd chosen to take with him.
He told me he "would probably be back before I knew it" as he left me crying at our front door.
He called me on his way to his new home, telling me he was sad and didn't know if he was doing the right thing or not... and that although he couldn't ask me to wait for him while he sorted himself out - he would like it if I would.
That was a Friday, he came back the following day and spent the entire day with us, from morning until 1am that Saturday night. We talked, we cried and we "had sex" - which I can see was for completely different reasons.
He told me he just needed time to re-discover his "In-love" feeling for me.
I believed him and he broke my heart, and ruptured my spirit
Since then alot of water has flowed under the bridge, and as the days went by the water got murkier.
With the 20th April fast approaching, I can say with my hand on my heart the door to the relationship with my almost-Ex husband is now Closed. It has that crime scene tape across it and it will NEVER be opened again.
I used to think about this with great sadness, with a heavy heart. It was my greatest failure of my life ... that of my marriage breakdown. I am old fashion in my ideas on love, I am a traditionalist. You get married, and go into it FOR LIFE.
You work at it, you communicate, you try hard, you grow together, you accommodate differences ... oh I could go on. But what's the point ? Both of you need to think the same, not just believe it but know it!
So now I ponder how I will feel on April 20th, I'm sure for FOTY and our children the day will just be another Sunday. For me it will be the day my marriage as I knew it ended.
For me it will be a day of sadness, a day of regret. But I will meet it head on, knowing I did everything I could leading up to the day in 2007, knowing I never gave up until he made me.
I will marvel at how far I've come in 12 months and SMILE about how much I've got in front of me for my future.
April 20th 2008 .... bring it on! Cause I'm ready to conquer you.
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Posted by EasyToSay on 2008-04-04 02:40:50 | Rating: | Views: 89
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I often read, in others blogs and now yours, about women who feel they are a failure, because their marriage has broken up, and most of the times it is when the husband has left and moved on with someone else from the begining.
But what I am trying to say is you didn't fail, he failed you, he failed the marriage and he failed the children too. I don't see how you have thought you failed when he never gave you the chance to fight for your marriage, once again I see that as failure on his part.
From what I have read over the months, is that you have stayed strong to who you are, and with everything that he has thrown in you path you have handled it with dignity. Stand proud and never see yourself as a failure when it comes to your marriage. You didn't choose this, he did.
PS. I would have the champagne in the fridge chilling so that you can toast yourself with all that you have endured over the last year.
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Posted by KP
on 2008-04-04 05:43:31
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I'd like to copy and paste KP's sentiments..Very thoughtful and so wise :)Take care of you Kiddo..Your in my thoughts :)
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Posted by pitapie50
on 2008-04-04 06:59:10
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KP .. you are so right, but when you work at something so hard and it doesn't matter, when you are part of a team and it loses - you all lose, you all fail.
But I understand your words, and I really appreciate them. thanks
Oh the Champagne will be chilling, but might wait for the big "D" before I celebrate being FREE!
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-04-04 08:42:48
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It really is amazing how strong we really are, right? A year ago, you probably thought your life was over and now you have realized that, despite all of the pain and heartbreak, you were able to come through with your head held high. GO YOU!!!
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-04-06 15:23:37
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