So before I venture into blabbing on and on about the wacky world called my life I have a dilemma. One of my "main characters", my boyfriend, well....I'm not sure what to call him. Here, let me explain…
We have been together since I was 16 years old. There was a couple years (collectively) that we were broken up in our younger days, the beginning years, but those "high school games" are long over with now. When I was 18 he bought me a ring and asked me to marry him. Of course I agreed. Neither of us was in a huge hurry to actually tie the knot but it was nice to have a pretty ring and tell everyone I was going to marry him......someday.
Through the years my love grew yet was tested by many hardships that we faced. We haven't had a perfect relationship, and there were many times where things threatened to obliterate it, but in the end we endured it, nurtured it, and it grew. I can't imagine loving anyone else as much as I love him, his faults and all, and I know in my heart, with no doubts now, that I want to be with him the rest of my life, as does he with me. Yet, we still don't get married. Why? I have not a clue.
We are happy, we love each other, we plan on spending the rest of our lives together, we are buying a house together and we are planning to have children together. Confused? Yeah I know. I'm not upset that we aren't married. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I've committed myself to him and he’s committed himself to me and that's good enough for me. I don't need a piece of paper. I know he feels the same way, yet his religious beliefs tell him that well....we are wrong. He doesn't seemed bothered by that though which relieves me since if he told me that we needed to get married so that in "God's eyes" we are not committing a "sin", I would probably roll my eyes and refuse.
I don't mean to knock religion, don't get me wrong, but I don't tend to follow the mainstream on my beliefs. I don't think living with someone you are committed to and love is an abomination. I think it's comforting and economically smart. Sometimes it sucks to have to pick up his stinky socks that he can't seem to get in the laundry basket, but the pay off is it's nice when you go to sleep to know that the one you love is right there with you piece of paper or not.
We've been living together since I was 17. If it really is a sin, we've been doing it for so long that I'm pretty sure God gave up on us long ago. Not to mention the other "sin" we've been committing since I was 16, and believe me nothing would have stopped me from committing that one. I'm pretty sure God has bigger fish to fry than worrying about if we are legally married, like prayers for sick Mothers and punishments for serial killers and all that. I know that some will disagree and tell me that God is upset at me for all this but I just don't buy it. I'm pretty sure he uses common sense. Why wouldn't he? Wouldn’t he of all people have the best common sense?
Anyway, the point of this post was not to get all religiously philosophical or piss off anyone who has strong beliefs in their faith. I promise that wasn't the point. The POINT is, what the hell do I call my boyfriend? The word "boyfriend" just seems so weak. He isn't just my boyfriend. I think we passed that point like 6 or 7 years ago. He's not the guy I get picked up from my Mom's house and go have dinner and a movie with on Friday night. Hell I'm lucky if we even eat together on Fridays, those days are hectic at my house! "Boyfriend" seems so high school, hell it seems so grade school! We run a household together, we support each other, we are a team, we are a family, and “boyfriend" just doesn't cut it. I mean it was embarrassing calling realtors asking if my “boyfriend” and I could go look at a property. You know they are thinking, “Oh look at these kids pretending to play house” or they think we’ve only been together for a few months. I’m not that stupid, it took me 8 years to agree to actually buy a house with this man. He is more than a mere “boyfriend”!
I could use "fiancé" but let's face it, that word is frilly, un-man like. It should only be a word that you use if you have a French accent or if not you should only use it for a short time frame, you know, while you plan a wedding. It just isn’t something you use for years on end. I trashed that name for him long ago. I think maybe I used it twice before it just felt like word vomit coming out of my mouth.
Then another option is just calling him my husband…except you get anal people who just love to correct you by pointing out that it’s not “technically” true. Then you just feel like a moron for saying it. I mean, I tell people I’m married all the time, it prevents weirdo’s from hitting on you and women from thinking I’m going to steal their “man”. But when I talk to people that know us, or that are going to know us really well, I feel like a big fat fibber. I mean maybe I don’t get the benefit of calling him that until I actually do get married? Which will probably be never. Oh well. So fine. Whatever. What the hell do I call him then?
He doesn’t have this dilemma, which sucks because of course I want him to suffer with the same things I do! It’s only fair! But no, there are just way too many names you can call your “girlfriend”, it seems a bit unfair. He just calls me his “old lady”. I know, classy huh? It’s so biker, I assure you he isn’t a biker, the only time you’d see him in leather and chains is if he went as Billy Idol for Halloween. I suppose it’s a little trashy, but that’s ok, maybe we are a little trashy? Ok, I admit it, we are. You’ll get to realize that as you read my blog. Actually “trashy” isn’t exactly it. “Redneck” might be closer. But we are upper middle class rednecks. So no, our truck did not cost more than our house will. Our truck wasn’t cheap, but our house doesn’t have wheels.
Ok back to the point again, gee I get off subject a lot. Well as I was saying, he calls me his “old lady” and that is fine. It doesn’t hurt my feelings any. At first I would give him funny looks when he said it but I can tell he came up with it because of the same dilemma I had, so it’s said out of love, giving me more status than just “girlfriend”. I however, do not have an easy solution like that on hand. I could call him my “old man” but then everyone would think I’m sleeping with my father. Ick! “Old man” was a phrase coined for dads….so that just doesn’t work. I can say my “man” but really that doesn’t seem to be something that wants to come out of my mouth. I can’t see calling a realtor and saying “me and my man wanna check out this house”. It’s just not me, I’d rather not. So that’s where I’m at. If I don’t think of something soon I’m just going to end up calling him “that guy over there” “my main squeeze”, “sugar daddy” or maybe even “my big pain in the ass”. Jeesh, help me, don’t make me have to do that! So does anyone out there have any suggestions for me?
I have to think of something, if for purposes of this blog for nothing else. I'm sure I'll talk about him a lot here so I need something to call him! Thanks for the help in advance
Posted by Duckie on 2008-02-27 11:52:34 | Rating: | Views: 110
This is a pretty common problem these days. Boyfriend does sound kind of lame. And just think how lame it's gonna sound when you guys are 50! I still think you should get married and just get the damn paper so society can shut up and be happy. If it doesn't matter to you NOT to have it, then why not just have it? But of course, we've talked that to death before and I know your answer. So in light of that, I'm afraid there is no good word. Significant other is too generic and annoying to say. Life partner sounds like you're a gay couple. If you called him your old man, you'd probably have to spit after saying it, because it's very hillbilly. Fiance sounds okay to me, but probably not indefinitely. So just call him your husband. And if anyone has a problem with it, you'll tell them what they can do with their complaint :-P
Yeah yeah....married shmaried! We have had that discussion before. I told you earlier that I'm going to call him hasbund or maybe husban...the almost husband! Thanks for stopping by! I'm the lonley loser on this post!
you could call him MFH (my future husband) its unique but you might get weird looks other than that i do not know what you would call him you could go old school and say he's your betrothed? but meh other than that I do not know.
Sorry Duckie, I just don't get it. You are 100% committed to each other, you live like man and wife, you think like man and wife, so why not be man and wife? It doesn't have to be a big deal you can do it on your own so no excuses there. I remember listening to a well known actor speaking about how his actress partner didn't arrive home. It was before mobile phones arrived so he was worried sick. The police were called but he suddenly realised that when he said she was his 'partner' there was a different attitude. Then and there he decided that if she was safe, they were going to get married. It was, for him, a 'respect' thing. There is nothing to be afraid of and with two people so obviously settled with one another, why not show respect for each other. You say it isn't an issue, but I have to say it is as you have talked about it in both the bloggs I have read by you. I don't mean to be unkind so please don't take it that way. I am just saying it the way it looks to me. Best wishes for a wonderful future, eitherway, Elaine
overthehillandfaraway- I definitely see your point. In the beginning we didn't marry for money reasons, if we married our credit reports would go together and that would make it so neither of us would have good credit...now we are past that excuse and just really don't care one way or another. We talk about it but honestly at the moment I would rather not go through the hassle of a name change, I know it sounds like a lame excuse but it costs money and takes a lot of time. There are a few other factors that have nothing to do with how much we love eachother, they are just inconveniences that at the moment I don't want to bother with, pretty busy with other stuff...I suppose it just doesn't feel like a matter of respect with us. Yes I've talked about it in both blogs so it may seem like it's a huge issue but honestly most days I don't even think about it, it's just normal to me. I appreciate your oppinion very much and I try to never take things the wrong way, thank you for stopping by, I hope I see you again :)
Hi Duckie! All the names I came up with have been used by others above me and honestly, they don't fit either...I have the same problem, but for different reasons. What do you call a man you're dating at age 50? My boyfriend?! That sounds lame, too! lol! The only word I didn't hear mentioned was lover...but saying to the realtor, "Me and my lover want to check out that house" doesn't work either! My guy, my better half, my soulmate...I think boyfriend is going to have to be until you decide it bugs you enough to change it or get married! But, don't get married if you're not bothered by it. Use his first name and if the other person asked who "Joe" is, just say, "my boyfriend", smile. Glad you don't sweat the small stuff! Enjoy and happy house hunting! XXX
. I'm pretty sure God has bigger fish to fry than worrying about if we are legally married, like prayers for sick Mothers and punishments for serial killers and all that. I know that some will disagree and tell me that God is upset at me for all this but I just don't buy it. I'm pretty sure he uses common sense. Why wouldn't he? Wouldn’t he of all people have the best common sense? 
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. Then you just feel like a moron for saying it. I mean, I tell people I’m married all the time, it prevents weirdo’s from hitting on you and women from thinking I’m going to steal their “man”. But when I talk to people that know us, or that are going to know us really well, I feel like a big fat fibber. I mean maybe I don’t get the benefit of calling him that until I actually do get married? Which will probably be never. Oh well. So fine. Whatever. What the hell do I call him then? 
“Old man” was a phrase coined for dads….so that just doesn’t work. I can say my “man” but really that doesn’t seem to be something that wants to come out of my mouth. I can’t see calling a realtor and saying “me and my man wanna check out this house”. It’s just not me, I’d rather not. So that’s where I’m at. If I don’t think of something soon I’m just going to end up calling him “that guy over there” “my main squeeze”, “sugar daddy” or maybe even “my big pain in the ass”. Jeesh, help me, don’t make me have to do that! So does anyone out there have any suggestions for me?
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