You're nice, gentle, a softy sometimes, or so I thought.  Thought I got to know the real you, but it seems you have a darker, deeper side.  The side you decided to show only after you reeled me in with the nicer side.  I was totally into you, just to be disappointed afterwards.  I should have known, should have seen the signs, should have run, but so wanted to believe that it was true, genuine, this time.

That there actually might be someone out there that I could connect with.  Someone like me, someone who understands.  And for the moment I thought you did, sometimes still feel like you do.  But something changed, you changed.  You're words became fewer, then later stopped.  No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get you to open up again.  Only wish I knew why?  What made you do this?

Did it scare you? I'm scared as well.  What we had, started suddenly and it felt sort of unreal.  I also sometimes had to take a deep breath.  Those times when you knew my thoughts before I did.  The times when I exactly knew what your response would be.

At first you openly admitted that we're so much the same.  You didn't admit that it's so close to real that it's scary, though.  I also never mentioned it, but I knew you felt it.  Don't really know how I knew, I just did.  I could feel it.  I know you felt it as well.

Now I'm here alone.  Don't understand what happened.  You started building a wall around you.  A wall to protect you maybe?  I'm not sure.  How can I discuss something that doesn't have a name?  Something that I don't even understand.  Something so real, but yet so unreal.

I'm hurting.  Not because of a broken heart, no.  This is more than that.  Maybe hurting from disappointment.  Maybe hurting from losing you.  But did I have you in the first place?  What did we have?  I know it wasn't just nothing, there was something there.  You knew that, I could tell.

Did it scare you too much?  Are you scared of getting hurt?  Scared to feel?  Scared to submit yourself to that?  Now I'll never know.  You'll never say.  You're to busy building your wall.  A wall I made you built.  But why?  Maybe if you told me this, or what you're feeling, I could tell you that I fell the same.  We could help each other.  To understand this.  To explain this.

I need you.  Need you to help me understand.  Need you to break down the wall.  To stop hiding.  To explain.  How can we move on without giving this a name first?  Will this ever end, or did it ever start?

So I'm going to tell you how I feel.  Maybe you'll come around that wall and see.  See me.  The me you left outside in the cold.  The me you forgot about.  The me that's so similar to you.

I'm scared.  So very scared.  My life seemed fine until you came.  You changed that.  Made me see things, feel things, say things.  Things I never knew existed.  I know I did the same.  You warmed up to me immediately.  Stuff we would discuss made us realise how alike we actually are.  Two people from different worlds, living the same life.  Everything was easy with you.  My words, thoughts, feelings, everything was easier.  Easier to share, easier to understand, easier to explain.

This made me scared.  Confused. But happy.  Normally I would be running away from this, but you made me stay.  Don't know why?  You made it feel OK, made me feel safe.  Even the happiness scared me.  My happiness has always belonged to me and to me only, now you were my happiness.  A small gesture, a smile, a wink from you could make me smile, glow.  It made me happy.  Such stupid things in life, but it became the root of my happiness.

I know I also had the same effect on you.  Don't even try to deny it, it was there and we both knew it, felt it.  It's a scary feeling, right?  So why can't we be scared together, why do you want to do this on your own?  Are you confused?  So am I.  Let's help each other understand, ease the confusion.  Together.

Now you ignore me, make me feel small, stupid sometimes.  Make me feel inferior.  Is this to hide yourself?  To make sure that I don't get through the wall?  It hurts, hurts so much.  Does it hurt you too?  Yes, it does.  I know.  so why would you want to hurt me?  Hurt yourself?

No matter what you do or say to hide. You won't be able to hide from your heart.  It will always be there.  The feelings that we shared.  The times we had.  You'll remember, always.  An I can never become an us.

So if you're scared, so am I.  I you're confused, same here.  Hurting, don't!  I'm here, has always been, will always be.  Build your wall if that's what you need to do to survive.  But, while you're back there on your own, please think.  Think of what we had, think of all the hurt you're causing, and then decide if it's worth it.

I'll be peeping around your wall from time to time, just to see how you are doing on that side.  I'll still care, still love and still feel.  I'll keep everything on this side, for the day you realise.  Realise, you're wrong.  Realise it's not worth it.  Realise what could have been.  But until then, I'll be here, waiting.