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We all have them so I am not special, but I am feeling a bit off today. The movie high I was on I guess just crashed. Kinda like a caffine buzz.... when it's gone your wiped.
I guess really I miss my grandfather and i have been thinking alot about my dad. Our relationship is next to non exsistant. i get a check each year for christmas and that is about it. I don't want the money really, I would rather a supise visit. I would rather even a phone call that was more than 5 min long.
I have tried several times to connect with him but we have verry little to talk about. we really do not share alot in common, he left my mom (for good reason) when i was about 6 months old, and I really did not know him untill i was around 14 years old. And I moved in him and life was interesting. I was a typical hard ass, I fought all the time, I drank all the time, I was a little prick. All my friends were roughnecks and no one could tell me shit cause I had it all figured out. I moved out right after I turned 17 I got a 3rd shift job in a factory and I was still in school. but we just never connected. I hated him for so long for leaving my mom, cause I allways knew that had he stuck it out I would not have gone through and seen some of the things I have. Now that I am older I understand why he left, i know what it was that pushed him away and as an adult I would have left too. Now I just want back all the mistakes I have made with him. I want a dad I can call dad and not feel funny saying it. Half the time i dont know weather to call him dad or Dave. I don't know I guess with my birthday coming up i will think alot more about how time has changed me. alot of things that have happened have made me who I am. I am an ok person I think... and I try hard to help people for all of the people I hurt in my young and stupid years. I guess if I could have anything for my birthday it would be a better relationship with my dad.
well thanks for lystening I just needed to get some stuff out.
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Posted by DouglasMB on 2008-07-20 17:03:12 | Rating: | Views: 89
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Hey Doug,
Great post, I hope you can gradually build up a relationship with your Dad.
Because regardless of what's happened in the past he will always be your Dad and you will always be his son.
I'm sure he's proud of you, even if he doesn't show it.
*hugs*
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-07-20 17:23:17
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I wish I had some words of wisdom to share with you. But I just want you to know I am here.
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Posted by KP
on 2008-07-20 17:29:28
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I hope that you can develop a relationship with your father as well. You shouldn't blame yourself for not bonding with him more when you were young though. I assume he had good reasons for leaving your mother, but they shouldn't have prevented him from being a real dad to you. He needs to take some of the blame too. Anyway, despite your tendency for bad-assed behavior in your youth, you turned into quite a remarkable man. You should be proud.
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-07-20 18:40:46
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You guys are great ... thank you
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Posted by DouglasMB
on 2008-07-20 19:01:30
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I can relate with this Douglas.
My biological father left my mom when I was 3 and I didn’t see him until the day I graduated from high School. My grandmother (his mom - whom my mom allowed to visit occasionally) invited him and his wife.
Since then, I have tried to build a relationship with him and really have not that much success. Occasionally he will call me but doesn’t stay on the phone too long, I went to visit home and his wife (he lives about 45 mins/a hour away) and had a good time with them but he doesn’t drive into town because he doesn’t like the traffic, and he is not big on talking on the phone.
Just take it a day at a time. Every 5 min phone call is one that you didn’t have before. That’s how I look at my situation. I want to be friends with my dad but he has mentioned in the past that he feels bad that I he was not around while I was growing up and doesn’t realize that some people can erase the past and just be glad for the time that you can have now. Life is short and I don’t want to miss anything with anyone who is important to me.
Good luck with your situation. I hope that it improves and that you and your Dad can have a healthy and long lasting relationship!! Great post.
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Posted by heatherslife
on 2008-07-20 19:24:11
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"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." -- Carl Bard
My relationship with my Dad has been rocky as well. We still are not close, but with a lot of soul searching I'm beginning to understand why he acts the way he does. Desire is the first step to bringing about any kind of change. Then it's just taking baby steps and practicing the art of patience. Since you have a way with the written word, perhaps you could write your dad a letter sharing your adult perceptions on long ago events. It's never to late for healing to occur. A dear friend of mine was absent during his son's growing up years. After a health crisis this friend had a heart to heart talk with his son and the words that needed to be said were. They are now making up for the time lost during the growing up years. I hope and pray you are able to have the close relationship you desire with your Dad. Peace.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-07-20 21:03:30
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I too have lets say a "strained" relationship with my dad. We were estranged for about 12 years...he missed my wedding, the birth of his two grandchilren (although I knew he was staying 2 minutes away from our place) and so many special moments in my life there are too many too count.
In the end I wrote him a letter, just about my life now....no explanations or judgements about the past. And I did it purely for selfish reasons, I had to live with myself and if he became a part of my life now, that's fine but if he choose not to be, although very sad I would live with it. Within one hour of receiving my letter he rang me......guess I was the adult now afterall.
He lives interstate and we talk and see each other occassionally...but for me that's enough.
Let your heart guide you and if you want to be close with your dad, let him know the way you feel.
My *hugs* to you, because I've been there too.
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Posted by Kaybee
on 2008-07-20 23:42:01
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Doug
My dad is gone and I miss him terribly. I thank God we had a good relationship while he was here though. You brought tears to my eyes and made me smile at the same time. TY
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Posted by dreampower
on 2008-07-21 09:06:10
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