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Chapter 3

Now I know chapter 2 was short but that's how I roll. I want to talk about me because I'm my favorite subject.

High school just that word high school it is a total mind fuck. It really is true. My first impression of it as a freshman was oh my God I am going to die. Now that's the reaction every teen goes through. But I was triple fucked because I'm physically fucked up and I wear glasses and at the time I was kind of fat. Therefore I was triple fucked. Now I remember my first day of high school which is nothing less than a mental gang bang. It was absolutely terrible which I'm sure every kid would say that but it really was fucking horrible. Anything and everything goes wrong on your first day of high school you can fine your classes, you make an ass hole out of yourself and in my case you dump your lunch tray in front of everybody. Which now I realize it could have been much worse which eventually it will get much worse much much worse much much worse much much much much worse. You see before I started school that year my best friend Charles Sayed that he would be transferred over to my school. That never happened the only good thing that came out of my first day was one of my teachers Mrs. Kennedy. You see Mrs. Kennedy seen my potential on the very first day we met. That was weird to because at that time I had what you would call a very bad self-esteem issue. Well I guess it wasn't that bad but it would get their mainly because of two or three major pains in my ass. I'm not naming any names what the hell yes I I had to deal with one need to self absorbed Negro yes I called you a Negro Mrs. Connie Davis. I really hope you get a copy of this because you probably think that by calling you a Negro mad at you. I'm really, not actually I want to thank you because you were one of the main reasons why I am the way I am. So thank you. Let me go back to my original topic school. Things of course got better because I got in the rhythm of things but it was always be difficult for me and my kind that actually wanted to make something out of ourselves and not just sit in a room all day. So certain groups would always put obstacles in our way. If there's anything remotely positive I want anybody to get out of this so-called book is this. If a person with a disability ever once to make it in this world you have to give it 150% and would ever it is that you're trying to do and or achieve. I'll give you an example grades. Let's say you are a handicapped person and you are in any regular or mainstream class. You would have to keep a very high grade I'm talking a grade-point average of 3.5 or higher because if you don't your moronic teachers will think that you're not succeeding in their classroom while at the same time there is a bunch of kids are in the back of the classroom failing and everything is hunky Dory that's fucked up.

That's life though it truly one of the most minor injustices but what can you? Absolutely nothing

Looking back now I was always a model student I absolutely loved it in the beginning. I felt like I was accomplishing something important. I was actually having fun in the beginning. Homework was fun in the beginning. But that is nothing unusual.

I always had a fascination with science that was the one class in school that I exhaled in science class and lunch. That's the part where you laugh hysterically. No you don't have to laugh if you want to its a free country. No no seriously it's true I don't lie. I had a wonderful science teacher his name was Mr. Kay well technically his name is some big Polish word that is 150 miles wide. He was great he made science interesting. It didn't hurt that we liked the same band. You should figure out who I'm talking about. You wanted the best you got the best the greatest band of all time kiss. So we got along nicely. It is safe to say that science opened my eyes in the way I look things today. Mr. Kay once told me this he said Jason if you put a frog in to boiling water he will just jump out but if you put him in cold water and gradually heat up the water he will just slowly boil to death. Which I thought that was very interesting. And then I heard that interesting fact in the movie Dante's Peak starring Pierce Brosnan also known as James Bond. I mentioned the movie because coincidentally was also fascinating with the James Bond series throughout my four years of school high school that is.

The more time I started to waste in school I had a few outlets away from school music, the James Bond movies and my growing interest in the opposite sex.

I knew before I started high school I was going to need a new image so therefore two months before I went I obtained a new wardrobe. And since I was going to the preppest school in Marion County that's in Florida by the way I knew it was necessary to get flashy preppy clothes so I did. There was only one reason why I got new clothes and that reason was to impress the lovely females. Which eventually I saw that it was a waste of money. I'll explain if I were to ever go out on a date I would have to have my parents drive me everywhere because I am in a wheelchair obviously and that would not be cool for a 15 year old girl. Even when I was 14 or 15 I was pretty damn smart. Even then I was smart enough to realize that the only type of girls that would be willing to go out with me would be the girls that were the uppity religious girls that had a just gave the captain of the football team a blow job and her shallow minded religious views using the logic that if she pretends to like this handicapped kid that she would automatically redeem yourself from any damning sin that she could ever be guilty of. And everything is right and her shallow minded pom pom, swinging reality. There was no fuckin way I was going to lower myself to that pathetic level just to say I went out with some stupid bimbo to make myself feel better. In the end that would make me more fucked up then she would ever be. That wouldn't even be considered a fantasy that would just be sad. So for that time being I didn't go out on any date. Not even a social event because I didn't want to be pitied in any way shape or form. So I did what was the only smart thing I could think of at that time I practically become a social hermit. That is when I really seriously thought about music. The only thing I would do for the next year or so what is to my school work come home and research on musicians and or bands. I'm not saying I didn't have friends that was clearly not the case. I just didn't hang out with them outside of school except for one or two. I always knew I had it in me to create a great band I just knew it. I can never the first time I mentioned it to the people at school. Those ass holes did nothing but laugh in my face. That did nothing but piss me off and that only made me want to pursue it even more which I did. People who tell other people that they are going to fail on the people that failed themselves and failures like company. So then those people get off on telling other people how to run their lives. It's a recipe for complete and total failure. I never really liked the flavor of those cookies.

My only problem was at that time I wanted to please everybody. As we all know that's fucking impossible. That is a big problem for anybody but it was specifically a humongous problem for me. Mainly because everybody that was helping me where uppity shallow people that could not deal with the fact that they weren't happy with their lives so they would try to make other people suffer. Unfortunately for a very short period of time I was being sucked up into that whole way of thinking which I would even admit that was pretty lame of me but not for very long. This was 1 period of my life I was not proud of but what can you do but learn from all your fucked up experiences and Giroux is a person. Lets face it everybody fucks up its no big deal at all. All

I finally realized my mistakes when the people I thought were there for me and the ones I thought were my friends turned her back on me like a pack of snarling wolf's. People like that are only your friends just because of the cool factor. As soon as you lose what I like to call the cool factor that it the people you thought he were your friends they are done with you. It could be as simple as a stupid joke that you might know or you don't agree with something minor as picking on somebody and you don't agree with it. Or even disagreements about football teams. That is really fucked up and it's pathetic it really is.

So from then on in I only did what I wanted to do. If I wasn't satisfied with what ever I was doing well fuck it. Like I said before I liked being a asshole therefore I became asshole. I began to realize even then if I wanted to get people to respect me even in my condition they would have to be scared of me. There is a trick to that. The trick is how? That is a magnificent question. A magnificent one I tell you it truly is. The answer is freaky. Freaky that is all you need. This was really easy for me because I really wasn't acting freaky. I never lied to myself or anybody specially not to myself I'm serious. I always always always question things and that's all you have to do is question things. Example when their use a topic or an issue up for discussion everybody picks the obvious answer. Now I can use many different issues like for instance 9/11. September 11 now when this happened so many years ago I can remember people saying let's find the terrorists and deal with Iraq that way. Let's go and find Osama bin Laden and the rest of Al Qaeda. There is innocent people there they didn't do this they are innocent. Let me think do you know what I said to those mother fuckers. I said let's fucking kill them all. I mean fucking slaughter them. I mean, bomb the shit out of them. You know what people say to me when I told them that? There is something wrong with you you need to find a Jesus. And you know what I told them? What would Jesus do? Well I thought it was funny. That's what I'm talking about yes. I found out that you always have to question things. One other thing that I didn't was changing the way I was dressing myself and presenting myself. I wore a lot of crazy and off-the-wall things that didn't necessarily match. I started wearing a little bit makeup here and there. I loved it it felt so good and it does wonders for the skin. After that process started to take effect nobody really understood me being much I thought it was quite fun actually. To sit back and look at people reactions to everyday things that I would do it was and is pathetic on their part because I am always being me. From a artist standpoint it's classic.

In some weird way I was beginning to fill more comfortable with myself more and more each day. Things go a lot smoother when you find something that think she happy. I know that seems like a big fucking cliche but it's the truth. All of this shit enabled me to feel comfortable by making others feel uncomfortable just by having a conversation that might freak somebody out or even taking a glance over at me. So in the mists of all of this I was able to steal maintain my integrity of being an asshole and still plan is having enough since to maintain my sensitive side as well. I was doing all this and still I was able to keep a high grade-point average so in layman's terms on a fucking genius. And why do I say this you ask? Well the answers quite simple I never sacrificed anything that I wanted. That's it that's all you have to do. That's all anybody has to do but they don't. I'll explain while the captain of the football team Johnny rocket is basically only concerned with making a perfect touchdown pass and playing hide the Nazi with the average every day big boobed no brains cheerleader he forgets about the academic part of the whole process which is public schools because he figures that the teacher is we'll just pass him because the teachers want to win the big game. Which for the most part the big dumb Mother Fucker is right but one teacher that has a corn cob stuck up her ass because she didn't get fucked by Mr. Johnson the principal with the 13 inch Dick. So she fails the all-star athlete for two reasons one she wants to see her school lose the county championship game and number two Johnny rocket is to god damn stupid to pass the god damn test. And that's why people can't succeed in what they do because they don't want to be successful in everything they do because they're too focused on one thing that's where people fuck up.

The thing is I never really had any thing that would break my focus or concentration in what ever I was doing but the thing was I was getting tired of being the smart one. And because I'm in a situation where I would need assistance in doing certain tasks I required some help in what he was doing such as class work. Since the public school system hires dumb fucking people it's really no help at all and my grades were suffering because of somebody else's negligence and stupidity. So I said fuck it.

I finally came to the decision that I was going to drop out of most of my mainstream classes. That would allow me to basically have all the freedom I would ever want so I could indulge in the fine things and or qualities of my educational experience. If I didn't go with this option I would've definitely dropped out of school completely. Which now I see wouldn't of been as fun. So I went with the obvious option option b. Because I knew I was smarter than everybody else they decision really didn't bother me none. With my newfound confidence due to my then recent lifestyle choice I was able to get in nice with the ladies. I was able to steal stay in some of my regular classes in which I didn't need any buddy there to assist me because it wasn't necessary because I officially made it look like I was only there to observe the class. It turned out that I was going to be assisting teachers grading papers and shit like that. It actually was pretty fun and I found out that I knew more than half of the damn teachers there. Which that made my ego soar through the fucking roof. And that was really good for me. I really needed that. That really made me sort of a hotshot because I was greeting mostly the papers that were done by the female students and I was about 16 at the time and even then I knew that I. had to do anything I could to get me an advantage with the ladies one advantage I was glad to take. All the girls at I had the mutual attraction to they would immediately be passed by yours truly some girls found me rather cute partly because I most of appeal to a maternal instinct. Somebody definitely thought I was rather adorable analysts face it I am a mean I was. Girls really love any adorable asshole. A asshole that is unwilling to compromise. Compromise I really hate that word with a passion to kill. With that same passion I always thought that I would always be alone. But ideas can change very unexpectedly with only one person. Ideas, situations and feelings can all be changed by one person. It can make a person sick to their god damn stomachs to find out how easily a person's outlook can change in a blink of an eye. Personal morals can be self inflictingly crushed all because of one single individual and in my case that individual happened to be a 4'7" Cuban-American by the name of miracle yera. She was arguably the best and worst time of my life.

Now ironically I wasn't neither am I. now a religious person. How in the fuck did I end a with a person named miracle on never know go figure.