Thoughts.com Blogs - The Madman in My Closet

“I hold a beast, an angel and a madman in me, and my enquiry is as to their working, and my problem is their subjugation and victory, downthrow and upheaval, and my effort is their self-expression.” ~ Dylan Thomas

Words that express so much of the soul. (brought to my attention by a wise friend)

I feel like that most of the time....like I am locked inside....screaming to get out.

Yet, I cannot let them out of me... the beast- the angel, and the madman, there would be hell to pay.

The mind...the hidden places we go to...that we think no one knows about.

I have a secret world....

One in my mind....where no one can enter.

No human being anyway....it is my haven.

The eye in the sky....can read my mind.....but the secret garden- in my mind....is...sacred.

It is sanctioned "holy ground".....the holy of the holies....where god dwells.

Nothing I think or do there....condemns me to a burning pit of fire.

It is covered in a bloody sacrifice .....(symbolism).

I need no saving...it is already finished.

Sacred thought life...

Yet....I have committed many sins there.

It is written that if you even think it....it is like you did it.

Why am I a madman?

Do you have to ask why, with all of the doctrine branded like fire in our minds?

Hell used to exist in my secret garden.

I visited it...walked through its very gate.

The fire....was depression...and insanity.

A twisted world full of confusion ...and hopelessness.

The gnashing of teeth...was literally the grinding of the teeth...in remorse for being human.

The lie of sanity.

Sanity tells you that God is evil and we are going to hell for being human.

It is a wonderful thing being out of your head.

Insanity is a trip to the realm of.....waking up.

Waking from this sleep.....we call life.

To wake in a beautiful dream.

My faith, is it a dream?....if so....then I really am a madman.

Into your secret place....you hide....and wrap yourself in comfort....sleeping....in bliss.

The bliss of a madman.

To accept that -this reality- that this world has shoved in my face.....is all there is?

Or...it is the way it should be?

I like my reality better.

My reality being...I know that this world...is sometimes cold...and it does not seem to have much meaning at times.

To work...to eat....to exist.....no time...for living.

Monotony

Over and over...day after day.....week after week....month after month...year after year....

That kind of thinking will drive anyone mad.

BUT...

I have learned to embrace life...each day...being a new beginning.

Like starting over....

A do over....

Forever...trying to get through the day....trying to feel good about living it.

We torment ourselves so much in our thought lives.....

Some do drive themselves completely mad.

Never agreeing with one's own soul....does that to a person.

Makes you all "jekyll and hyde."

We might as well quit feeling guilty...feeling misunderstood...feeling lonely....and feeling like nobody knows how we feel.

Consolation to all of the human race is this:

We can all relax....because we are all created identical in soul and spirit....soul- being our mind....spirit- being our eternal selves.

We all think alike.

We all have "sinned"....

We are hiding nothing.....from .....no one.

Look in the mirror....

You will see every other human being staring back at you.

I am mildly shocked, that people still put on so many airs.

Sincerity is evident....

The madman....is the most sincere character that I know.

Crazy beautiful....

Reading minds indeed.

To know ourselves...is to know another.

Trust me...we are all crazy.