Thoughts.com Blogs - Difficult Findings

Internal wars.

For so long I did not get along with myself.

I felt guilty about everything about my human nature.

I am the one who owns the bag of guilt.

I felt guilty -for not feeling guilty.

My Wild Child, has a free heart.

I must admit, that I envy her at times.

I can surely be a stick in the mud.

Never knowing how to quite express this internal struggle that I believe we all go through, I have justly established the metaphor of the war of the twins inside of me.

It is the only way I know how to express this issue that has tormented me most of my life.

The wicked feeling of never feeling good enough.

Never good enough for God.

Wild Child, surely has one up on me.

She embraces her nature, and taunts me with a smile while she plays her way through life.

She is forever immature with a giddy childlikeness.

I think I was so angry at her, because I was jealous of her attitude.

Jealousy is the best form of a compliment.

She has a sassy class about her, while, I sit in the corner of my soul, and beat myself up for being human.

I used to want to believe that this part of me....called....Soul-represented the spirit....and the part of me I call Wild Child- represented the flesh.

I was mistaken.

I Soul-...am the one who owns the title of FLESH.

I Difficult (wild child)-....represents the SPIRIT.

Scripture speaks of the kinds of people that will fill the Kingdom of Love.

It states that those who are childlike will reside there.

The truth will set you free.

Surely this truth has set me free from the chains of self doubt and guilt.

I am Difficult Soul.

We are one, and I have conquered the flesh through wisdom shared in love from the divine.

It is ok to be me.

It is ok to stand up for ourselves.

It is ok to laugh and play.

It is ok to be human.

It is ok to embrace all of our humanity.

We were created with these dual personalities in our souls for a purpose.

Our yin to our yang.

I believe God is a paradox.

Paradox meaning- A seemingly contradictory statement that may nonetheless be true.

If God is a paradox, and we are created in his image, then we too have paradoxical spirits.

Eastern philosophy teaches this concept very clearly.

Through the concept of Yin and Yang.

The opposites.

All things in spirt have an opposite, and the opposites exist to purposely make each other have meaning.

Day needs Night- to be clearly defined.

Good needs Bad- to clearly be defined.

Catch the drift.

I apologize to my "Wild Child"....aka ....Difficult.

For in her....there is freedom of expression...for my God given personality.

Soul....held on to fear and shame...which almost destroyed who I am.

It says over 365 times in Scripture....Do not Fear....one for each day of the year.

Fear of being human.

Fear of going to a hell that I now believe not to be literal.

This life is Hell...a living Hell.

Scripture calls Hell...Separation from God.

We are surely not in his presence, because this world would not be filled with such evil happenings if he were here in his full presence.

We can only embrace him in our Soul.

There is no room in our souls for the Love of God- if Fear lives there.

I am uniting with you tonight Difficult.

We are truly Difficult Soul.

Our destiny is manifested.... complete....in Love.

Thank you for always reminding me, of how beautiful and fun it is, to embrace the child within me.

Let Peace Reign