Thoughts.com Blogs - Cherished Diary Keepers

My Dear Diary entry caused so many, "I hope you are alright, are you ok?"

Makes me smile.

Proves a point.

Everyone is living in a fantasy bubble, that we are all supposed to be happy and chipper 24 hours a day.

I seek no pity for how I feel, too many people do already.

Someone also said, that my Dear Diary, did not sound like me, trust me, it was me.

Cycle of Moods we experience, every single one of us.

We can feel many different ways about the same subject in the same day, especially women.

Mostly, we hide!

Hide away from our true inner feelings.

Living in denial.

We lie to ourselves.

One thing I do not do, after getting a big taste of it, is lie to myself.

It causes many spiritual and emotional problems to lie to our own souls (minds).

I am still holding back deep truths of my heart in my writing, because, it gets feel sorry feelings.

Finding out that I can feel two different ways about the same subject....is so shocking to some people.

You all can, why can't I?

*smiling*

It is like some of my sweet private messengers, think a part of me has died or something.

No, a part of me has been born again.

Born into freedom of expression.

I am not a pitiful person, I played that role once.

I cannot deliver the line..."boo hoo"...without a smirk on my face.

I do not want to be pitiful, I live to experience ...powerful.

There is a point when that has to come to an end....the death of spiritual recluse.

Today is the day, I stop hiding.

Here is a not so hidden truth,

The one that haunts me daily...for a very long time now.

A dream that drives me.

Since it is truth telling day.

I am obsessed with Sex and God.

AND

I refuse to "fall in love"...like the legend depicts.

I finally have an answer for why....not an excuse, never do I have to defend my own soul.

I have wanted to be a nun....since I saw an Elvis Presley movie as a child.

Those movie scenes have stuck with me...as forever.

Scene most recollected:

He fell in love with a nun....and he held a crying fit throwing lil' girl in his arms and sang to her 'til she settled.

Inspiration in life- from a Movie?

mmmm

God bless movie makers....

I liked the chastity between their love -it was magical in my eyes.

I could never be a nun....I am not Catholic.

I could never be celibate with this situation -I have my life in...I am married.

I lost my innocence when I was very young.

I was not happy about it.

Children obey your parents!...

lesson ?

I am really tired of all of these lessons.

My virginity was sacred to me.

It was not honored.

So, my dual feelings about "romance"...is a very touchy subject for me.

No pity...such is life.

It is a subject, that my scholar heart, will forever study.

Celibacy is sexy to me.

That is an odd statement, but, it is true, in my mind.

Paradox....two statements that seem totally contradictary, but somehow, are both true.

To have my body as my own...again.

Adolescence of Soul Recaptured.

Truth is, as much as sex turns me on....not having sex....turns my mind on more...my spirit finds that state of chastity...appealing.

I cannot explain that last sentence....but it is my heart truth.

Any wonder now... why, I ponder so much?

I dissect my soul, on a daily basis.

It is my passion.

So no worries...my sweet....Diary Keepers.

I am just being human.

Like you.

Sometimes, I wish I could go back to the days of, lying to "me'.....

No one pitied me.

Being human does not call for pity.

Self pity

destroys

Self Love

We cannot have both.

One cancels the other out.