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So, my parents found out I was drinking Friday and I got a 'stern talking to' which consisted of my dad yelling at me for letting people stay here when they drink since WE ARE UNDERAGE AND I DO NOT WANT PARENTS CALLING ME AND YELLING AT ME FOR LETTING YOUR FRIENDS STAY HERE AND BE TEENAGERS.
He then told me that he doesn't want me drinking, but he has no control over it, but if i get caught again, i'm in huge trouble. Um.. what?
What amazes me most is that THIS is the ONE time I've been caught.
I mean.. obviously we were drinking.. but really. ... you're telling me you have NO idea about the other times I've come home drunk in the last 2 weeks?
Wow. Just wow.

I think i need some anti-depressants.
I'm starting to really scare myself lately, and I'm starting to get tired of this up-and-down-repeat mood I've been in for the past like.. year.
The worst part is, I really don't know why I feel this way.
I have a group of decent friends.
My parents are decent enough.
I have a job I don't totally hate.
But:
I'm always bored and I need to get out of this town before I go crazy. It's NOT good for me to be here, it never has been. I've always wanted to get out but, lately, it's been even worse.. don't ask me why. I don't know.
I'm not happy with who I am.
And
I have a job because without it, I would probably starve and go naked, since they wouldn't be able to afford to support me.
The future freaks me out,
and I want to self-destruct and fuck up so bad that there's no going back. Ever.
I want to fuck up in this town so bad that there's no possible way I'll ever be back here.
I know I won't....
But what scares me is that every day I feel like i'm getting closer and closer to just going crazy.
I don't know.
Maybe I am crazy.
I would have to be.
I really have no other reason for feeling this way.
I wish I WAS crazy. Then at least these fucked up thoughts would be justified. But as it is,
I'm just a bored
pathetic
angsty
whiny
stupid
little 15 year old girl.