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| Saved By The Smell |
When I moved here to Georgia the first thing I noticed about this state is the sheer number of Churches here. There are churches everywhere. There are even churches made out of old warehouses or office space in strip malls its actually kind of ridiculous. I think that I read somewhere that there is a church for every 12 people in Georgia. The other thing is that the bars are wide spaced. The closest one to me is about five miles away, so that means instead of just being able to stumble my drunk ass home the fine state of Georgia expects me to drive home, probably relying on the fact that the Lord keeps his low-rent apartments all over the place here to keep me, or everyone else, safe.
Don't get me wrong, I'm far from religious and I don't really care what anyone else believes but isn't having that fucking many houses of God in one place unnecessary? I mean how many little buildings must this monopolistic sky daddy acquire until he's happy? Everywhere else God is like one of the neighbors or even more ideally a city official, here in Georgia it doesn't matter where you go he's there. I've seen intersections where there is a church on all four corners. Even churches of the same denomination. In Georgia god is like the trailer park you want to get zoned out of town.
Once I was walking home from the grocery store and out of nowhere I really had to poop. It hit me all at oncer so much that I considered running into the tree line but then I saw what used to be a storage space that recently got converted into a black separatist church. No kidding, the preacher was talking to someone outside and he had all of the pins on his jacket and all that. Since the door was open I ignored all of the potential danger and ran inside answering a call of nature more powerful than survival.
To make things perfectly clear, although I didn't make it to the bathroom I did not make it all f the way to the toilet, although none of it hti me the floor wasn't so lucky. I spent six minutes in that bathroom cleaning up after an act that took me thirty seconds, yes I cleaned up after myself because the last thing I needed was those guys deciding that this cracka mothafucka decided to shit on the black man one more time.
When I went outside the preacher guy smiled at me and said in his best convert whitey voice that I was invited to the church even though I just came to blow up his toilet. Oh you have no idea dude. I thought.
“Come on by on Sunday, we're multicultural.” I squashed the urge to laugh hysterically and used the universal Georgia defense against church invites. “I'm Catholic.” Even though I'm not it works every time. These southern protestants seem to have this idea that Catholics have magic devil powers. I hope they poured oil on everything to get the demons out.
It still won't cover the smell.
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Posted by DeeperDarker on 2009-07-07 13:52:18 | Rating: | Views: 497
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