Well more shit piling up ... lets get it out and GET OUT NOW! I mean come on now im tired of lieing to my self and keeping my self from seeing the bigger picture. what is really bothering me. Whats REALLY making me want to just dissapeer run and never look back. Im going to breakdown and just ceas to exist... I cant get over the fact of what is happening in my life . Who Im with and how and where it happened... I didnt exactly plan on this either. I mean you never do. But All i can see when ever i talk to him si seeing him and her and its really getting to me. The whole I love u thing how do I know he just isnt the best liar ever!!! You can be the most skilled liar and get what you want when you want and how you want it! I'm going to be a REAL fool if I really fall for it. And at this rate I'm trying not to. I can't get hurt the way ive been hurt and the way it feels . I can handle it again. Im tired of being told the same things over and over again! I cant stand dealing with people and all their shit. I was looking forward to being alone. I live for being all alone . You know its jsut me againsed my self and not me againsed any one else just my girls! You know ive already figgured it out. The only one they can depend on is me! I mean men just dont seem to understand their childs needs and wants you know... Im not saying some all men are like that just some... Well thats what ive noticed. But you know its so hard to figgure out whats all in my head and what are my instincts... Well my instincts are telling me to leave and to never look back! just leave this alone its better safe then sorry and i know this whole thing will make me sorry beyond anything. Because all i can see is how he was with his ex and how much they were in love and for how long and just that is keeping me from being everything that i know i am and hell i know this is hard but ill get to rock bottom of lonley ness and battered and broken hearts soon enough im just waiting for that to happen then i know ill start all over again! and again and again ... same things same hurt just different people... Thats why im invisable not because of dumb reason because i know im always going to get hurt. that htings are going to go wrong and that i dont want anyone to see me. ill be safer with my self when im alone... Alone is easier to rais my girls and that makes me feel comfortable. Unlike getting hurt over and over and over again. Just so the girls can have a father figgure.