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| Panic Attacks |
It's 8:30 Tuesday and I've already had a panic attack this week. I usually don't have one this early in the week. Mostly it's on Fridays or Saturdays when my brothers bring over company. But today at around 7:00 it happened and I was uncomfortable with the fact that I couldn't go two days without freaking out.
Here's the deal:
- My mom's car alarm went off in the garage.
- I walked in on my oldest step-brother (Sam) feeling up his girlfriend on their bed.
- I broke two glasses in the kitchen consecutively.
- My younger real brother (Åsbjörn) and my mother got into a loud arguement about his upcoming freshman year in high school.
- I finally summed up the courage to walk outside today and birds swarmed the area almost immediately.
So I've had a rough day. I had a panic attack and trembled and gasped for air for around twenty minutes before calming down and finally getting a glass of water. I didn't ask for help, because everyone was too busy doing their own things. So I closed myself up in my room and burrowed under the covers on my bed and wept. No one heard, so I assume everything tomorrow will go on as it usually does.
My panic attacks happened probably because of built-up stress. I don't feel the need to flee; actually, I feel better staying in the spot where the attack started. It's not that I feel safe there, but that I usually feel too weak or painful to move to another area. Tonight's attack was probably less intense as a normal, full-blown one where I can sometimes thrash.
Oh, if you're wondering about my family's names, we're Swedish. I was born in Sweden with my parents and moved to the US about seven years ago. I speak Swedish as well as English.
- My mother's name is Anika, which means "grace".
- My father's (birth-father) name is Isak, which means "laughter".
- My brother's (true brother) name is Åsbjörn, which means "bear" but also "divine" or "leader". He likes to be called BJ as he thinks his name is "ugly".
- My name is Mikael, which means "Godlike". I am nothing of the sort, though.
The rest of my family is American. Here they are:
- My 1st step-father's name is Gordon.
- My 2nd step-father's name is Tom.
- My oldest step-brother's name is Sam.
- My second oldest step-brother is Michael (not pronounced the same as my name).
- My youngest step-brother is Tyler.
Here's the list of how me and my siblings go: Sam, Michael, Me, Åsbjörn, and Tyler. My step-fathers are both around the 45-50 zone, and my mother is 47.
I'm sure that bored you to tears. Thank you for reading, though.
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Posted by Dark_Eyes on 2009-06-23 23:46:11 | Rating: | Views: 58
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