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Studying Hard or Hardly Studying?

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As I sit here in the library (fourth floor) I try and focus on what I'm doing. What am I doing? Oh wait look there's a new email. Oh hey, new tweets from TweetDeck! Oh what time was it again? Boy I'm sure hungry...

Wait, what was I doing?

That's right, studying. Oh gosh. Sometimes I just don't know where or how or why to start studying. Seriously? I have to do this on my own?! For how many more years?! Holy shit this is insane! How have I come this far? Oh wait... Now I remember. I had help the last two years. Damnit.

They make it look so easy. My friends and people in the library. Studying hard, with a purpose, focused and doing everything they have to do early. I look at what I've done in the last hour and a half and it makes me feel stupid. I wrote a lab report. A whopping five paragraphs that are about four sentences each. Great!

Now I'm here trying to write some code. Well C++ code anyway. Morse code translator... I didn't do that first assignment which just so happened to lead into the second one. Gosh I hit the nail on that one. And by that I mean holy cow did I really screw myself this time. Well no I guess that's not entirely true. I do have some outlined notes and stuff...

The hardest part is just staring you know? No motivation right now... And the whole walking away for a couple minutes and taking a breath thing doesn't really help me. I try to do it and then find myself "X" amount of hours later watching youtube or playing video games. I don't know why this is the hardest subject for me to do and just get help with. I feel dumb feeling dumb. Does that make sense? Well I feel dumb that I don't understand a lot of the topics presented. Even though I've done a fair amount of coding with other classes. I just can't implement ideas and come up with strategies well.

I think I'll grab something to eat. Maybe some coffee. Then come back. Take a deep breath. Try this whole studying thing again. I need a friend in every subject. Seriously. This world is too hard on my own. Ah fuck.

We'll see ya next time. Maybe by then I'll have done something useful with my time.