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Unshakeable Faith

Last year May I lost my new born son.

It has been like walking through hell, all the while I have felt the hand of God holding me together. There were moments when I felt like the walls of my life were crumbling, when I have felt that my faith in God was gone. I have gotten angry with him, said some pretty bad things and have felt a desperate need for him to show himself to me.
Yet the struggle of life continues! I now question if it makes any difference for me to say I am a Christian since I am subject to the same situations as those who are not. I am reminded of Job, a man who was perfect in the eyes of God yet he was subjected to such disaster and mayhem in his personal life. He lost his children, wealth, and health all in a short space of time. He questioned why?This question was never answered instead God answered with a series of questions which might seem to those who read it a bunch of nothing. However, a closer look will reveal that God was actually telling Job and by extention, me that no matter what happens, if He ordered the earth and universe then our lives are definately in His control. But the test is believing and trusting Him all the time!
Listen the reality is my son is dead, I don't know why he died but I know that this hurt like crazy. This is the lonliest place I have ever been in, the darkest, yet it might be the place where I look forward to meet my Father and be revealed for who I really am and who He realy is.
I must thank Him for holding me together and keeping me sane. Thank Him for forgiving me for being angry at Him.

I am finished for now.