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They say (who I don't know) that men are like buses...you don't get one for ages and 3 come along at once.
It’s ironic isn’t it? When you're a single lass having a boyfriend can seem like a distant memory and getting one can seem like an unreachable goal.
And I think without ever wanting to admit it (we have some street cred to maintain), secretly we can more often than not put a bit of pressure on ourselves to be in a relationship, when the reality is that we can survive ok without one.
Which is probably why when after being single for like the gazillionth month in a row, we can often settle for what seems like a great guy, when the reality is we're just ignoring the signs that he isn’t and settle for second best, just to be with someone.
And I don't think its a deep yearning within us to just be in a relationship so much, but more that you can happily go on your merry way as a singleton, but then every once in a while you watch a soppy film or see a couple holding hands and for a few seconds you think to yourself "I'd like to have that".
And when you do meet someone for the first few months, it’s a happy affair, where he texts back whenever you text him, he calls you frequently and send you soppy messages.
And it’s during this time that all of a sudden, from out of nowhere, at least 2 guys from your past will rear their heads.
These guys, who when they had you let you go, now want to be a part of your life again.....or do they? (Methinks that sometimes it's more about the thrill of the chase - the fact that you're unavailable makes you all the more desirable)
This has happened to me on many many occasions. I break up with someone. I go out, party hard and have a good time with my friends etc. Then one day I meet someone and things begin to blossom. And the moment they do, all of a sudden the guys I've dated previously (usually the ones I was never with for very long because they had some kind of rubbish excuse of an issue to get out of things progressing any further), crawl out of the woodwork and into my mobile phone inbox.
And then there's the guys you meet on a night out. I'll go out with my girls and I'll have guys trying to chat me up. And of course I'm not interested because now I have a boyfriend.
In saying that, I have had a long term ex or two inform me years later that they still have feelings for me etc and regret messing me about and splitting up the relationship. They manage to choose the time most inappropriate when neither of us are in a position to do anything about it anyway (i.e. we're both seeing someone) to tell me. I'm am yet to figure out what they hope to achieve by telling me this information if neither of us have any notion of leaving our current partners to pick up our previous relationship.
And then the biggest irony always comes later, when the new beau and you break up and go your separate ways. Things don't work out (i.e. he gets scared of the "relationship" word and runs for the hills). Then, where do all these past loves go then....back under the rock they crawled out from when you were taken.
Where do they disappear to?? When you're single and available...where are these guys then?? (Not that you'd necessarily want them, it’s the just the principle you understand)
And the guys in the bar? When you actually are available and free to date again? The number of them that try and chat you up seems to dwindle quite rapidly
Maybe there are signs we give off. "Hey I'm single and although I'm pretending I don't care and that I'm having fun, what I really want is to meet a nice bloke"
Or maybe there is a conspiracy theory in all this. There is someone, somewhere who specifically sends these guys out to you when you least expect it...to test your resistance.
Whatever the reasons behind it all I am a true believer in fate. If someone says to you "when you're least expecting it you will meet someone"....don't scoff, because in my experience it's true.
I think without realising it WE DO give off very different signals when we're genuinely not actively searching for that special someone. You are naturally aloof and that's a very attractive quality.
The guys I've had the longest relationships with (and we're talking one of 6 and one of 2 years here), they have always come about when I wasn't looking for them. It's almost like someone just dropped them in my lap.
And you can't pretend that you're not looking, that doesn’t work. You have to genuinely be 'not looking'. Saying "Oh, I’m not looking for a relationship" doesn’t constitute as aloof.
You can't trick fate.
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Posted by DancefloorDebz on 2007-10-23 13:22:53 | Rating: | Views: 168
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I just read the first sentence and I laughed. Good one.
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Posted by SubTomato
on 2007-10-23 13:29:52
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hi debz!
great post as always!
personally, i think the way things work out is a kharmic thing but, damn, that bag of kharma on my shoulders is getting heavier and heavier as time goes on... :o(
:o)
cheers!
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Posted by badlydrawnstickman
on 2007-10-23 13:30:25
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BDS...I knw what you mean!
Thanks for the comments!
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Posted by DancefloorDebz
on 2007-10-23 13:53:21
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I think you have something here. We most certainly do literally give off a distinctive scent under different conditions.
Perhaps being partnered, and being alone we give off these scents which can attract certain people, but not others.
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Posted by Triforium
on 2007-10-23 13:57:23
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Well that's it. If you are with someone I think you appear more content and confident on the inside it on shows the inside....people find that an attractive quality...a kind of charisma...
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Posted by DancefloorDebz
on 2007-10-23 14:42:48
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amendment to my last comment...meant to say it shows on the outside...doh!
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Posted by DancefloorDebz
on 2007-10-23 14:44:07
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Ah yes, I too have experienced this strange paradox; it's a two-way street you know. :)
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Posted by Frankly
on 2007-10-23 14:49:35
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That it is! I know it can be the same for the guys as well, but I can only write about it from a gals point of view...but it would be interesting to hear a guys side!!
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Posted by DancefloorDebz
on 2007-10-23 14:51:44
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I could write about this topic, (being a guy and all) however, I would end up with essentialy the same thing you wrote.
I would add the 'moral delima' that can arise when someone you were head over heels about, dumps you, you move on, meet someone else, and then that other someone starts making hints and suggestions that maybe they were wrong to have dumped you and they'd like to try again. Holy Head-Spinner!
But generally, us male-pigs find this sort of thing quite good for the ego! When the buses are lined up that is. :)
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Posted by Frankly
on 2007-10-23 15:07:57
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This was great!! One of life's little mysteries, I guess.....
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Posted by HornyLittlePoker
on 2007-10-24 03:26:55
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