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You ever get the feeling that no matter what you do nothing will ever be good again? Ya know like you won't ever get out of feeling like you worthless and nobody cares about you enough to try to pull you out of those feelings. Well thats one of the two feelings that I have. The other feeling I don't think you can even call it a feeling. It's more of totally not caring about anything. When I feel like the first I think about whether or not I want to wake up the next day. The other times I don't even care enough to do anything. I won't eat, talk, or even sleep. I just lay in my bed and stare at the stars on my ceiling. It's strange because I'll lay there for hours and not one thought will cross my mind. I'll just stare. On the other hand when I feel hopeless I can't stop thinking. The thoughts that come are so varied yet not one of them are good. I don't know what to do anymore. Right now I am in the first state, but I wish I was in the second. For that is the closest thing to happiness I have for I feel no pain because I feel nothing. I went into a tailspin today because I ate spaghetti and a plum. I know I shouldn't have I'm big enough as it is but I did. I feel terrible. Tomorrow I am hoping for numbness. As for now I am going to go in my room and probably go to sleep even though it is only five thirty. I won't eat anything else for the rest of week. I'll go on a water fast and hopefully cleanse myself of that food. So I am going to say goodbye for now and go get some water. I can not die just yet for if I did no one would want to come see me for I am a fat ugly shithead. I hope for numbness from now on. Goodbye.
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Posted by Dakota on 2007-07-22 16:06:56 | Rating: | Views: 112
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hey,
it is important that you eat. your life is not over or anyhthing, you are strong, you just have to prove it. things will get better, but you have to let them.
I am always here if you need to talk. whatever it is about.
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Posted by AngieAki
on 2007-07-22 17:12:28
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Feel free to e-mail me at:
princess_obscene@hotmail.com
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Posted by AngieAki
on 2007-07-22 17:15:05
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I feel for you and do hope you find better days. You do need to eat for good health and proper nutrition. If you are putting on weight, perhaps you might take an interest in the nutritional aspect of food. What are the healthiest foods? The more you learn about antioxidants, enzymes, amino acides, glycemic load etc. you become more aware of what you are eating. You have access to the computer and there are so many wellness sites to go to. Go to the worlds most healthiest foods. Its a web sight and tells you what is in the foods you eat. Look up the benefits of eating a low glycemic food. Google Search for food that are low glycemic. Search foods that are powerful antioxidants. It does help. Soon you will eat to get healthy. Hang in there. We all support you in your struggle. Hugs.
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Posted by Jesusmyvision
on 2007-07-23 22:23:06
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