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Making Love With an Ex in Your Head

So, yes, it's true. I've fallen for the musician, but I still can't help but think of Luke. Last night, the musician and I were fooling around and he rubbed me in a certain spot and all of a sudden, Luke's face popped in my head. I honestly don't think it's because I'm still in love with him. It's just this is the first meaningful relationship I've had since Luke. I know there were so many bad times with him, but that doesn't compromise the "goodness" of the others.

I miss the way he held my hand while we were in the car. I miss the way we would glance at each other from across the room and smile. I miss his incredibly blue eyes and his perfect smile (with my dimples, and green eyes, and his perfect smile and deep blue eyes, we would have made one hell of a kid). I miss the feeling of his hands on my hips when I stood in front of him. I miss that one night when neither of us wanted me to leave so we stood in his driveway with my stereo on and danced under the stars. I miss the way he once put my hand on his heart just so I could feel his heartbeat and never forget what it felt like. I miss the way his skin felt against mine. I miss the way he always said I was beautiful, even on my worst days. I miss the way he lent me his bed that day I was sick, but still offered to help him clean his room...I never helped...I just fell asleep...but then he brought me medicine. "nah..I don't like taking medicine." "here, baby. You need it." I miss the way he would wake me up by whispering in my ear. I miss falling asleep with him. I miss crying with him (not because of him). I miss our showers together. I miss laying on top of him while we watched tv on his couch. I even miss the shitty dinner I cooked for him. I miss the sweet text messages he would send me to wake up to. I miss his incredibly annoying long voice mails he would leave me when I couldn't answer the phone. I miss the cookies he made me and brought to me after my surgery (he even painted my toe nails that day). I miss his soft hair. I miss his obnoxious laugh. I miss his snoring. I miss him.

But as I lied in bed thinking about the things I missed, I realized....I have that with the musician. Maybe not exactly, but the same feeling of security, the kindness, the gentleness, the tenderness, the inside jokes, the shitty meals, and dare I say...the relationship?

I let the musician touch me for the first time last night....and as his soft lips kissed my neck and his gentle hand caressed my body, I realized this could possibly be better. All the things I hated about Luke, the musician lacks. And I realized maybe I should give this a chance and possibly move on from Luke. It was over. I don't want him back. But those memories are there. Now I'm in the process of forming new memories, better memories, with the musician.

I surrendered to his kiss, and the thoughts of the ex soon slipped away. It was amazing.