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When I came home this afternoon, there was a card board box about the size of my microwave sitting by the door. I figured it was an early Christmas gift for my friend...I checked the lable...
"Dear, Dahlia Love, Luke"
Shit. My day was going alright...My first thought was a Christmas gift...right...sooo naive.
I set the box down at the kitchen table and opened it. I always read the letters last. I look inside and what do you know...a box of crap....my crap...I was visited by old memories and good times as I dug through it.
It conisted of...
a toothbrush
make up from junior high
one of my old yearbooks
random hair pins, clips, and barrettes
random articles of clothing
a blow dryer from god knows when
a box of tampons
a couple of movies
a Cosmopolitan magazine dating back to Feb. 2004
our mix cd we listened to for hours a day
and a disposable camera
This is a blog...meant to entertain other people right? So I'm sure you're curious as to what the letter said...I'm just going to post it. Here you go.
Dahlia,
You're probably a little upset due to the fact that you opened the box expecting a present and you didn't read this first...I'm sorry. I had to do some cleaning and I just couldn't bare to look at these things anymore. You broke my heart. All this stuff does is remind me of that.
I know you're coming down next week and I could have given it to you then, but I didn't really feel like doing that to you on the spot in front of everyone. They have seen how hard its been on me since you left, and so this just had to be done...I know what you're thinking. Mailing stuff is so impersonal, but I doubt you'd like me to hand you this box and ruin your visit.
Don't get me wrong. I kept letters you wrote and pictures and things that really have meaning to us. I think about you everyday. I still love you, D.
Love,
Luke
PS...I bought that ring about a month before you left. I know how you feel about marraige at such a young age, but I had this plan that we could do it...wait a few years and then start planning and whatnot. I can't look at the ring anymore. I'm sorry I lost you.
I dug around the bottom of the box filled with random junk and saw a small ring box. I 'bout shat. How was I even supposed to respond to this. I'm speechless. No, I don't want to get married, but yes, I still love him. But I want to explore new possibilities...does that mean I'm not really in love? Does being in love mean completely devoting your life to that person without thought of the future? I have no idea what to do...He always knew how to get that sappy heartbroken thing down just well enough to make me want to shoot myself.
So do I call him? What, to reject him? No. Do I ask him if he'll still have me? No. I can't do that. Should I go out and get completely shitfaced until I end up sleeping with a random guy who has a bigger package than the one that just dropped a bomb on me? Do I cry? I have since I read it. I can't help but shed a tear everytime I look over and see the absolutely beautiful ring sitting on the coffee table.
Most big packages make me happy...
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Posted by Dahlia_D on 2007-12-19 22:44:31 | Rating: | Views: 85
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Bless your heart. No one can answer your questions but you. It's ok to love someone BUT love yourself more. It takes a lot of strength and courage to do what you are doing. You are young and have plenty of time for lifelong commitment. D is actually being a little selfish right now because he wants what he wants and is fucking with your head with the letter and ring...He dfinitely knows you....he knew you would open the box before the letter. Stand your ground. Surely you have heard the saying, "If you love someone, set them free. They will come back to you, if it's meant to be." When you go home don't let family and friends dilute your dreams, even if those dreams are not clear to you yet. You got out of the small town. You want more than to be barefoot and prenant don't you? Find some of the blogs in here about pregnant, broke, miserable, trapped, lost, confused, lonely, afraid...DON"T let that become you. Examine the real reasons you have left home to explore....
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Posted by georgiapeach
on 2007-12-19 23:06:19
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Honey, I am married now. But as shameful as it is... I still think about my first love everyday. I wonder how he is doing and what is going on in his life. I still sometimes wish that I could go back and take all my stupidity away, and be with him still. I thought that I needed to gain perspective and meet new people... but really all I did was miss him more..... just really think because you may regret the choice you have made for the rest of your life.
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Posted by ikinoii26
on 2007-12-31 11:31:03
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