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The Chronicles of a Secret Life:
Normally I have no problem finding someone to hang with but for the last year I’ve hit a dry spell. I’m back in my rut, not searching but welcoming a fresh face to the scene. My only problem is the only people in my face at the moment are 1-an ex, 2-not going to happen, and 3- married. To give these men a face I’ll explain.
Man 1 has been in and out of my life since 2002. We are so much a like that we often don’t get along (he’s a Leo I’m Cancer) the main reason he’s an ex is because he is a commitment phoebe. I usually hook up with him each year around spring and we fling until about fall. He usually backs off when the relationship becomes too serious. To be honest I haven’t been the one making the relationship serious. He calls every night, we go out on dates, and are socially together a lot. When he feels we’re moving into that “couple” status he backs off and I don’t hear from him. THAT DOESN’T WORK WITH ME.
Recently I ran into him at his job, which there I didn’t know he worked. He had the nerve to tell me, “You know you can call me right” as if I had been the one not trying to communicate. The last I spoke with him was last summer. Getting deeper into our relationship without totally humiliating him. Another reason why I don’t want to flip back to that chapter in life is because on a scale on 1-10 in bed, he’s a 5. I only rate him a 5 because it’s boring (but he tried) and each time I faked it. At the time I was afraid to let him know what I felt. So why would I go back into a relationship where the sex was bad.
I met Man 2 at my 21st birthday party. He totally represents where I don’t want to be in life. He’s only a year older than I am but it seems like he just doesn’t want to better himself. We work for the same company so we sometimes run into each other when I’m walking to my car or when he makes trips up to my office. Since the party he’s become really familiar with our relationship. In that I mean we have gone from just knowing each existed to him looking for my car when he dives past my house running errands. Sounds creepy to me also but to spare him there is only one road to the main highway and I live on that main road. There is no other way around it he has to pass my house. Anyway when he comes up to my office he throws little hints about being interested in me. To top the cake there was a party I had been invited to and the person throwing the party actually gave him my exclusive cell phone number. I mean only a handful of people have my number and I felt pissed that she would give my number out like free napkins just because she thought we could carpool. THAT DOESN’T WORK WITH ME. The only reason why I would ever entertain the thought of us ever hooking up is because I’ve heard through the grapevine that he is very well endowed. That reason alone is not a strong enough reason to hook up with him so he’s out of the count.
Man 3 and I have known each other since I’ve been employed working in the Security Dept. of the detention facility. He works in the school (other side of campus) I was laid off and recently was rehired and we’ve started our relationship from where we left off. Always as friends mind you; but since I’ve known him he has propositioned me to hook up with him. This man is married. Since forever he’s let me know that he and his wife have an open relationship. They are only together for the sake of their son. Well, that’s the road spike that popped the tire. He is extra sexy to me and his confidence is through the roof. He likes using his tongue and has told me since I’ve known him how he can use it. He has no bones about telling me how if we were together what we’d do. Which is totally sexual harassment but since I’ve contributed to the conversation I can’t say anything  . Mentally I’m dying to have sex with him but physically we work together and my name isn’t spreading like wild fire. I like the image I have and I’m not tarnishing my clean record for a one night stand. I tell myself that all the time and yet I can’t stop thinking about us hooking up. My hormones are through the roof and it doesn’t help when he calls my extension talking sexy in Spanish. I don’t even like Spanish guys but something about him is just too, too sexy. Before we hang up he always tell me how he’s trying to wear me down because sooner or later he’ll have me. Am I something to conquer? Here’s another kicker. A few years back he hooked up with a girl here at work. She’s no longer employed here but still Man 3 is known for being a Spanish stallion. I don’t want to be a notch on his belt. I mean I can emotionally shut down and tell myself it’s just what it is but I have to calm down with these sexual thoughts about him before I act on them.
What to do what to do? I have a party to go to on Aug 2nd that I know he’s invited to. If he comes what if I let down my guard and sleep with him? I know I want to but I don’t want to. To sleep or not to sleep that’s the question.
I just noticed I have 6 degrees of separation going on. Man 1 and I were talking when he came to the birthday party that Man 2 was secretly invited to. Man 2 and Man 3 know each other in passing from work. WOW, THAT’S CRAZY!!
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Posted by DaLaMc1 on 2008-07-26 11:20:53 | Rating: | Views: 19
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