| View Blog
|
| The function of public affection
|
|
|
I was at a train station the other day, being quietly miserable (a typical day in the life of C.S) when out of the corner of my eye I saw a young couple so wrapped up in each other an earth quake probably wouldn’t get their attention. His arms were around her waist and her arms were wrapped around his neck. She had that dopy smile on her face that could only mean one thing. The l word (no, not lesbians, although that may be discussed later.)
He looked so damned happy too (if slightly self conscious.) Now, before we go into the function of seeing couples who are walking advertisements for speed dating (your soul mate is out there! You just have to devote every single second of your free time to looking, you lazy bastard!) Sorry, don’t let me begin to rant or anything. Let’s take a look at the other side of the coin.
Singledom. Is the pressure off to become attached? Let’s back track say fifty years ago. After world war 2 there was a ‘marriage boom.’ People got married young and frequently. If you weren’t getting married, you would probably have a kind married friend fussing over you and fixing you up with Herbert from the local parish. This boom ended in the 70’s, and a new era was born. The single woman. No longer shunned or ashamed, her shoe collection could apparently fill the void were once, the logical conclusion would be to find her a man and stat. Has the stigma on singledom melted? Even a little? And who is responsible for this interesting phenomenon? People are still getting married, but they are also getting divorced. About half of marriages end in divorce. So could it be that the once smug married couple is well aware of its rocky fate? That Mr and Mrs George Templeton are no longer prepared to tout the virtues of the married life style? And it could be that we are all being tricked into thinking whatever category we are in (married, single, some form of relationship) is vastly inferior to whatever category we are not in?
I think yes, and this is were my little conspiracy theory fits in. Advertising. Capitalism. Money. It makes the world go round baby, and it’s about 50% of the reason singledom is now haled as a trendy new ‘choice’ rather than drastic default option to being wed to prince charming. Some observant demographers hired by big companies noticed people were getting married less and thought, what could be used to fill that void? Products. Turn the single life style into something cool. What do we have that the married ladies don’t? Time and disposable income. Every cosmetics companies wet dream. Single women are a virtual walking, well dressed target for make up, clothes, shoes, perfumes and lotions, anything you can think of. The irony is, to make them more attractive and appealing, but of course, not to the opposite sex, right? Because they choose to be single. Here in lies the irony. Single women who fall prey to the product trap are constantly purchasing new mascara, foundation, fragrances etc so they can look fantastic when they meet up with their fellow single girlfriends on a Saturday night. I can’t help but think (being the occasional reductionist that I am) that all these tricks are subconscious weapons wielded to attract a man. I mean, do you really shave your legs to impress your best female friend? Or maybe, it is competition between you and your girls. But then… what is the prize? I suspect it’s that lovely gentleman by the bar that has been indiscriminately eyeing you and your girlfriends off.
And then there is the flip side- couples buying ‘sexy’ family cars so they too can be fashionable- shedding the former dowdy image of married couples. Conclusions: Buy products, have the best of your own status and someone else’s too. Who benefits? The hawk like capitalist companies swooping on the image conscious couple and their insecurities about becoming ‘old’ and ‘boring.’ It seems the married union is no longer an inviolate ideal to which all other adults aspire, but rather a specific group almost treated as a minority, “Isn’t nice that such and such have been together for twenty years.” Because they are a rarity. The strange fascination we have with married couples is relatively new.
(Back to singledom.) The stigma of being single appears to have been reduced by our new found doubt in marriage, it is no longer the secure end- of-dating paradise we can settle into blissfully that we once thought. Mrs Templeton could be single again one day, and she might need someone to go bar hopping with. It pays not to burn your bridges with your single friends when there’s a fifty percent chance you’ll end up unattached. And there is of course the matter of that couple I left standing at the train station…
I’ve seen the images of glamorous single life represented. I’ve watched Sex and the City and seen the ads for mascara and lip gloss and trendy coats you can wear to your high powered job.
But when I saw this couple… I couldn’t help feeling empty. Humanity is still powerful. The purpose of the kissing couple is not to annoy us (although they always do) but to remind us that there is hope, maybe not for a union that lasts forever, but at least for a brief respite from the lonely single life. So maybe capitalism hasn’t won, and our attraction to marriage obviously has not disappeared, although it is tainted.
Speaking as someone who plans to be single for life right now, I’m sure it’s tough if you actually care about ending up alone.
What are your thoughts on singledom? Trendy or tragic? Will you get married? Do you still have faith in marriage?
Wow this actually resembles a fairly coherent entry. Go me.
C.S.
|
|
Posted by CynicalSweetheart on 2008-04-13 06:41:54 | Rating: | Views: 48
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
|
I can't believe I didn't get one comment for this. People suck.
|
|
Posted by CynicalSweetheart
on 2008-04-14 00:32:56
|
|
|
|
That's only because I hadn't showed up to read it yet! lol
As always CS, you are wise beyond your years. Excellent and insightful observations (oh cripes! I sound like a friggin' teacher now!).
Singularity and/or mate-hopping DOES seem to be bubbling to the surface as the new norm. I think the old "'til death do us part" clause in marriage was something stauchly clung to by bygone generations. Nowadays it's more like "'til boredom or infidelity do us part." The stygmas of cheating and divorce are fading fast. How many times have we seen older married couples who appear to actually loathe each other while at the same time taking great pride in the longevity of their union? What's the point in this? I have no idea. But to them marriage failure = personal failure. Today it seems we are more selfish (although, for the life of me, I can't see how tormenting someone until they die is LESS selfish!). We are more tuned in to our own needs and wants as opposed to those of a mate or a what-will-the-neighbours-think mentality.
With opinions on mating-for-life together with some really idiotic media input being in such a state of flux, it's no wonder there is such confusion going on!
Follow your heart, CS. Don't stand on a rock and choose your future path. You could be hit by a bolt of lightning at any time and whoops! there goes the plan!
PS - don't let the sucky people slow you down!
Nuther PS - for the record, this is the longest comment I've ever written!! Go ME!!
|
|
Posted by BootLady
on 2008-04-21 08:57:18
|
|
|
|
|
|
