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| Of school boys and alpha males
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Single: By choice or default?
May I present to you the typical single twenty something. She’s working, or studying full time, partying and doesn’t have time for a boyfriend. Right? At what point does the ‘lack of time’ or ‘I just want to hang out with my friends’ clause become an excuse to hide from a relationship? And is it wrong, or are we simply protecting ourselves from further hurt? That is, withdrawing our bodies back into our hard little shells of “independence” (and considerable amounts of alcohol and ice cream sandwiches) while we cry out the pain from our last relationship, and pray for a miracle cure for the cruel affliction commonly known as the broken heart? In my opinion, it doesn’t break, it gets wounded. Every relationship leaves scar tissue. Wounds from the past should warn us not to repeat the same mistakes in the future. I can’t remember who said it, but I think it’s sound advice, “Beware of beginnings that are endings in disguise.”
If you always go for the same type of guy and end up with your heart savaged, why not try to stop getting preyed on by older, wealthy, emotionally unavailable guys, or whatever gets you hot and bothered, and try to date guys that aren’t ‘your type?’ One of the most fiery relationships I’ve ever had is with a guy I thought I wouldn’t poke with a ten foot pole. Anyway, it ended badly, but I learnt a few things. For example, I am attracted to two types of guys. May I present, in column A, the alpha male. He wears cologne, he dresses well, he swaggers rather than walks, he’s good looking and he KNOWS it, and thinks he’s smarter than he really is. I don’t know what sick masochistic malfunction in my mind makes me swoon for these apes. Because they are always selfish, unsupportive, judgmental paper shells of people. Scratch one of these specimens to get more surface, coz there’s not much going on underneath. May I present, type B. He’s funny, he’s quirky, self depreciating and appears a little morose. But he seems to have it together, basically. I call this guy the little school boy. Within the first two weeks of seriously dating, he will be messaging you three times a day, calling you drunk at night to ask you to talk him out of a fight (I’m supposed to care?) and wanting to stay at your place every second night. My plan for now? NO dating. Until I magically wake up and stop being attracted to alpha apes and school boys. Eww, that makes me sound questionable.
Now, let’s just see if I can salvage a point here somewhere. I know I’m talking about myself a lot. If it always ends badly with one type of guy, try to recognize the signs that you’re repeating your bad behaviours. And somehow avoid this. That’s my advice. Option C, besides being a hermit or attempting to date guys who you probably won’t have sparks with (they aren’t your type, after all) is to suss them out. I call this the friends-then-date equation. This equation is of course, fraught with peril. I know when I like a guy. It’s more or less instant. My tight knit little friendship group is made up of a couple, two guys and that albino guy we don’t really like. I like Derek. I decided not to go out with him because he looks like a school boy. Also, I found out he has a girlfriend. Awkward convo expertly dodged. So, do some research. Chances are if someone is a crappy friend you won't have get much mileage out them as a boyfriend. If you’re close, does he ever call you? Or do you call him? What’s he like with social gatherings? Does he organize or just respond to being told where to show up? I’m the latter, although wait, I haven’t been asked to do anything with a group for about two years.
I wish Derek weren’t so hot.
Conclusions to my odd blog today: If you want to do something bad enough, you’ll make time. You just have to shift things around and kick out some stuff from your life. There are exceptions, like maybe a guy supporting his six kids working five different jobs, in that case he’s probably married anyway. But hopefully everyone has some free time. I know I do. I choose to spend it watching serial killer movies and reading up on obscure phenomenon. I vow to date again one day! (Yes, that is a threat.)... Just maybe not for another five years or so…
Happy hunting people. Hope you find someone who will put up with your strange habits.
C.S. |
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Posted by CynicalSweetheart on 2008-04-01 06:20:00 | Rating: | Views: 66
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As always, CS, wow! Your writing is full-on brain-candy and ever a pleasure to read!
Good luck with your quest!
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Posted by BootLady
on 2008-04-07 08:03:38
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i found it hard to follow your blog after the first two paragraphs...what was the point?
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Posted by ffeeona
on 2008-04-08 05:14:32
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