| View Blog
|
|
|
It's been almost 2 weeks since my Uncle's funeral service, which was held on April 9, 2008. For some reason I haven't felt like putting my thoughts and feelings to paper (screen). There's something to be said about keeping a memory tucked safely in your heart. So often I find myself wishing time would take a breather, but it continues to march on taking along with it the clarity and lucidity of life events. Five or ten years down the road how many of us will remember what was said at a relative's wake? Even though I have been "playing" at writing for years when faced with the retelling of an event I feel totally inadequate to tell it in a way that will make any kind of sense to me or anyone else.
With rain in the forecast for April 9th, I was pleased, upon awakening, to find sunshine streaming in through my window pane. Nothing worse than attending a funeral on a dreary, rainy day. The viewing and funeral service were both to be held at the funeral home, a 45 minute drive from home. Using my GPS system (the best thing I have ever bought) I found the funeral home easily, even arriving a few minutes early.
I found myself in an empty chapel alone with my Uncle, two bulletin boards of pictures and some flowers. I had not seen my Uncle K in years, but he looked very peaceful and exactly as I remembered him. He was dressed in a yellow suit. [I found out later bright colors were quite his style.] After a few minutes my Uncle's niece came in and introduced herself and we chatted a bit. Then my Uncle's son, K Junior, came in to say hello. He possesses a strong resemblance to his father, but looked much older than his, mid 60's, age. Neither one of us could recall meeting, so we came to the conclusion this was our first meeting. I saw a little of myself in K Junior. I always look for similar qualities when meeting relatives, as I'm curious as to why I'm the way I am.
The pictures on the bulletin boards were mostly of my Uncle at Yellowstone Park, a place he loved. One picture, of my Uncle and Grandmother, brought a tear to my eye. It was a close-up of just their faces. Perhaps taken by K Junior (who has inherited his father's love of photography) or with a self-timer. It so conveyed the warmth and love shared between a mother and her son. It made me remember all the love, concern and prayers my grandmother bestowed on me.
My parents were the next to arrive. It was quite a drive for them, as they live approximately 2 hours away. Last year was a year of tremendous change for them. They are both 85, and for the most part do OK, but struggle with some health issues as is common at their age. For the past 20 years their Michigan lake house has been home during the Summer months, with Winter months spent in the Tampa Bay area of Florida. Last year they sold their Florida home and upon returning to MI put the lake house up for sale as well. [As of this writing a buyer has yet to be found for the lake house.] In August, 2007 they moved to a small apartment in a retirement center ... a huge lifestyle change for them. It was a difficult and stressful time, especially for Mom who had to part with many of her things. As hard as the move was it's what's best at this stage of their lives. Everything is provided right on campus ... meals, housekeeping and 24 hour medical care. I always thought, as one grew older, life would calm down and smooth out a bit but I'm seeing every age has its challenges.
Seeing my uncle reminded Mom of her dad, as my uncle looked very much like him. I never knew Mom's dad (my Grandfather) as he died when Mom was pregnant with me. Watching my Mom made me realize that time does not erase the feelings of missing our loved ones who cared, nourished and graced our lives with their love and who now love and watch over us from Heaven.
My sister and family arrived next. To my surprise my sister is now a Redhead. The Atkins Diet, which she follows religiously, seems to be working for her. As I posted before we are somewhat estranged, so our conversation lacked any kind of substance. Luckily there was only time for a handshake and a quick hello with her husband, whose demeaning, snide, sarcastic comments get on my nerves. My niece (my sister's daughter) came as well. I have not had the privilege of knowing her and she never has a word to say to me. She just turned 18, is a senior is high school and will be heading off to college in the Fall. I have often wondered if she is just shy or is it that she doesn't like me? No telling what she has been told about her Aunt Colorado. It made me feel a bit better that she didn't have a word to say to anyone, so perhaps shyness and silence are just her way.
My Uncle A (Uncle K's brother) came as well, attended by his son and daughter-in-law. He's in very poor health, all bent over and uses a walker to get around. His mind isn't the best, but I was glad to see he hasn't lost his sense of humor and seemed to know who we all were. During the minister's talk Uncle A, sitting in the first row and forgetting for a moment there were others in the room, said a bit to loudly, "I can't hear what this man is saying." The minister handled it beautifully saying, "No problem I can talk louder." After the minister's talk my uncle said "now that was really nice", which brought a smile to the minister's face and put into words what the rest of us were thinking as well.
Also chatted briefly with my cousin, S, who I haven't seen in years (her mom is my mom's sister). She's an attractive sweet girl with a flair for fashion. I have fond childhood memories of visiting my aunt and uncle's house (S's parents) for fun summer parties, that included great food and swimming in their in ground pool. Growing up very few people, I knew, had swimming pools so it was a special treat. S's dad was a doctor so they had money for all the extras. We usually spent 4th of July with them. When evening came there were marshmallows to roast and sparklers for all the kids. After a disastrous first marriage S has found happiness with her second husband. She was looking forward, with excitement, to an upcoming trip to Jamaica in celebration of their 10 year wedding anniversary.
The funeral service, officiated by Dr. Harnish, was filled with simple beauty. His sermon included many comforting bible verses and quotes by Winston Churchill and Tom Brokaw ... fitting as my uncle, was a World War II veteran, making him a member of "The Greatest Generation". A wonderful short autobiography, written by K Junior, was read as well. I learned that my uncle had a college degree, had moved to Florida the year before I was born, loved flashy clothes and cars, helped his wife (who died a few years ago) color her hair on Saturday and was a bit of a pack rat ... never parting with the photographs he had taken or his photography magazines. He loved nature and took the time to breathe in and appreciate all the beauty found in this world. Dr. Harnish picked up on my Uncle's love of photography when we talked about life going by as quickly as a camera flash. Ecclesiastes 3 was on my Uncle's memory card and read by the minister. Oddly, I have never heard this verse read at a funeral. Of course it's perfect with the words "a time to be born and a time to die ... a time to weep and a time to laugh ... a time to mourn and a time to dance." Every time I hear that verse I can't help but hear, in my head, the song "Turn, Turn, Turn" by the Byrds.
Upon leaving I complimented the minister on his wonderful sermon. It was obvious to me much thought had gone into it and since I collect quotes I liked that he had included the words of others. As I spoke my complimentary words to him a broad smile came across his face and I knew, without a doubt, that I had made his day. It continues to surprise me the power held in one small compliment. I must remember to do it more often.
I left the service feeling like I knew my uncle a bit better. The drive home found me with mixed emotions. I was thankful for the full life God had given him, but also a bit sad that time had been so short to reconnect and visit with my family. [Most everyone was on a long lunch hour and had to return to work immediately after the service.] Most spoke of their extremely busy lives and seemed perfectly happy and content to have no interaction or connection with those outside their immediate families. Perhaps if I were busy with several children I would feel the same. My mom and I have talked several times, at length, about the funeral. Several people that Mom went to high school with were in attendance, so we talked about them and about Mom's memories of her brother (Uncle K). I'm so lucky and blessed to still have my mom as she is my connection and link to my extended family.
Posted: April 22, 2008
|
|
Posted by ColoradoDreamin on 2008-04-22 12:47:02 | Rating: | Views: 140
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
|
Yes it was.
|
|
Posted by OKOFCOURSE
on 2008-04-22 15:28:16
|
|
|
|
CD - thanks for sharing this moment in your life, it sounds like it is a happy memory for you as well as a sad reflective one. You've shared a lovely warm story and shown how thoughtful you always are.
I appreciate knowing you my friend.
|
|
Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-04-23 03:26:41
|
|
|
|
|
That was beautiful. I am so sorry you didn't have more time to connect with the family.
|
|
Posted by Hollis
on 2008-04-23 08:12:40
|
|
|
|
What a lovely tribute to your Uncle. Even though no conversations with real substance took place, you never know. I'm sure your relatives are probably thinking about the funeral just as you are. I predict someone will come out of the woodwork :-)
Thank you for sharing this beautiful post. XXX
|
|
Posted by Ellie2008
on 2008-04-23 16:35:17
|
|
|
|
sorry about your uncle
thanks for taking me on the trip back home...I always feel like I need to grab my passport before I read one of your post.
I can relate to alot of your feelings.
I wrote a post about my fondness for TURN TURN TURN
we might have been seperated at birth?
|
|
Posted by roe
on 2008-04-24 13:16:02
|
|
|
|
|
am very sorry about your loss!
|
|
Posted by mizrabl1
on 2008-04-25 13:12:31
|
|
|
|
|
|
