Thoughts.com Blogs - Thoughts On Thoughts

Any new project or endeavor needs to be evaluated from time to time. I have been on thoughts for a month now and feel it's time to see where I'm at with all this. When I created my little space, on the web, I had no blueprint and not a clue how it would evolve and blossom. I'm a little surprised what appears here today and in the process I have learned much about myself, which is usually the case, when you head down a new path.

With many more comments than posts I'm surprised how much I have to say to others. I think this is because I have always had pen pals. I'm most comfortable and happy when an open dialogue is flowing. It also appears that I need a topic on the table to start my thought process working. With so many comments I had to ask myself ... do I think I know it all and feel I can fix and make everything all better for someone else? After reflecting the answer, much to my relief, is NO. I went through the demise of my marriage, the suicide death of a close friend and some health issues totally alone. I paid a therapist so I would have a friend to talk things over with. While these experiences might have left many bitter and angry, for me the seed of compassion took root and grew in my heart. I feel for those who have no one and never want another human being feeling alone in their time of need. After a quick check of my comments I see they don't contain answers, but words of encouragement and support letting others know someone is out there ... someone is reading ... someone cares.

I always thought of myself as an open person who wasn't afraid to share my struggles, problems and life circumstances with the world. The thoughts experience is showing me that I'm quite the fearful one. I have yet to find the courage to share the more personal side of me. Many of my painful experiences happened years ago and I have made my peace with them. So, I will probably choose not to revisit them here. Although there are times a current event whisks me back to a painful memory from a bygone era.

My blog has shown me that I don't feel right, in my spirit, when I talk and complain about others. I try very hard when I have something to say, to a certain someone, to say it directly to them. Yes, many times this hasn't gone well. Being honest and open rocks the world of most people. At the moment I have several relationships I have been shut out of so my future posts might contain open letters to these people. No worries the names will be changed to protect the innocent.

I'm an individual who likes things all neat and tidy. I don't desire, however, to have several blogs ... one for quotes, one for poetry etc. I'm going to let go of that idiosyncrasy as I want my blog to serve several purposes. It's important, to me, that my little space be a place of shelter and refuge for the hurting, but I also want (and need) it to be those things for me. So there will be a variety of posts. Some of which will be of no interest to anyone but me. That's OK as everyone has the ability to pick and choose what they want to read.

I'm enjoying the experience on thoughts much more than I thought I would. From time to time I will reflect on my time here and make the necessary adjustments. Until then I will continue to write and let the words fall where they may. Peace.