| View Blog
|
|
|
Many years ago, I can't remember where, I read about an orphanage, in a war torn land, where many infants were being cared for by a short handed staff. The staff cared and tried their best, but there were simply not enough hands for cuddling and holding. At feeding time bottles were propped up. Even though these infants were fed and given basic care they did not thrive. One by one these precious babies withered away and died. From what you might ask ... from the simple lack of human touch. No disease or other medical condition was ever found. I found this story (and others like it) very eye opening. As life experiences have unfolded before me I'm convinced that we never outgrow the need for human touch. It's imperative at all stages of our lives and as important to our well being, health and survival as food and water.
One of my biggest challenges, (not being in a romantic relationship ... for quite a few years now), is living a life without touch. I grew up in a family who were uncomfortable with hugs and displays of affection. A person needing and desiring such attention was considered weak and lacking in strength and character. I was always very different from my family and, more than once, wondered if God had somehow mistakenly placed me in the wrong family.
As an adult I settled down with a man who refused to attend Mass as the whole "sign of peace handshake" freaked him out. As our relationship started to crumble I suggested, and thought it would help us, if one hour a week were set aside for cuddling. I was quickly reprimanded for being needy and smothering. For years I lived in guilt and shame that I even needed to be held.
Years later I met a wonderful Italian man who was very comfortable with hugs, hand holding and cuddling. I will never forget his reply when I warned him of my neediness. "I doubt very much, Colorado, if you could ever smother me". This man was a gift to me. Our time together, the most special of my entire life. Knowing him taught me a valuable lesson. There was nothing wrong with me. My mistake was choosing to form relationships with those who didn't share my needs or desires.
It's been three years since receiving any more than a quick hug or handshake, so I was pleased that one of my birthday gifts was a gift certificate for a massage. There was a time, many years ago, when I got massages on a regular basis. When the therapist, I liked and felt comfortable with, left I stopped going. From time to time I would check out new places, but it never felt right. [I have mentioned before that I'm the type of person who can get a pretty good feel for an establishment within seconds of stepping through the door.] I have found it's very important, when getting a massage, to find someone with the right spirit and frame of mind. I have gotten a few bad massages where the therapist seemed to be in a bad mood or suffering from a case of PMS. The day after the massage every bone in my body hurt and I felt as if I had been in a car accident. I remember one girl used a heavy heating pad that she moved around my body. When changing positions she didn't move the pad gently, but dropped it on me with a thud.
Late last Fall a new massage center opened down the street from where I work. They held a grand opening featuring drinks and snacks, tours of the facility and complimentary chair massages. I decided to check it out. I loved the facility and immediately felt comfortable with Nicole and Kat. I received my free chair massage from Kat and even though we had just met I felt a connection with her.
Usually when receiving gift certificates I hang onto them forever. I still have the Target gift card that my sister-in-law gave me three Christmas' ago. I get a secure feeling having something tucked away for a dire moment or emergency. In my mind three years, without touch, was an emergency so I decided to use my massage certificate immediately.
This past Tuesday was my appointment with Kat. I was a little nervous or perhaps excited. I seem to have a problem differentiating between those two emotions. The experience was such a treat and wonderful in every way. The massage room was cozy and peaceful, lighted with the soft glow of a lamp. A relaxing nature CD (with sounds of waterfalls, crickets, etc.) played on the CD player. Several candles had been lit and as I slid between the sheets I felt the warmth of the heated massage table. During the massage I tried to stay in the moment and enjoy, to the fullest, every second of this wonderful pampering. I really liked that a thick cream was used instead of oil as in the past I have left massages feeling like a greasy french fry.
Kat noticed that my fists were clenched and reminded me to relax. She also shared that it's important to go about our day with open hands so we can receive the many blessings the universe wishes to bestow. As she was massaging my hands I could feel the many knots and mentioned to her, that as a writer, I do a lot of typing. I learned that she shares my love of writing and before I knew it I was sharing with her about thoughts and all the wonderful caring people who make up this community.
My life contains a large secret garden ... a garden, with a gate, that I rarely open to visitors. As Kat and I chatted, to my surprise, I ended up sharing some of the things I'm struggling with. Things I haven't even shared here on thoughts. My words were met with kindness, compassion and caring. It felt wonderful and freeing to remove my mask and totally be myself with another human being. I realized that one of my favorite friendship quotes was being played out.
"But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away." -- Dinah Craik, "A Life for a Life", 1859
I went to my massage appointment expecting to find comfort and care for my body. To my surprise I found healing for my spirit as well in the gentle soul of another human being. I left feeling relaxed and at peace in body, mind and spirit.
As I was leaving I surprised myself and gave Kat the address to my blog. She actually seemed excited about reading my ramblings. I had a revelation, on my birthday, that a life lived in total hiding is not the way to go. While I have no desire (at this point in time) to share my most private thoughts with the entire world. I think it's healthy and beneficial to share with a circle of caring kind souls. Sometimes the sharing of a struggle can help another dealing with a similar situation.
Kat - (if you are reading this) thanks for the wonderful massage and for sharing your amazing beautiful spirit with me. Your kind, caring, compassionate ways are a rare find in this world. May every desire, hope and dream, held in your heart, come true.
I realize that getting a massage is way out of the comfort zone of many. I know of three individuals who threw away their massage gift certificates because they felt they couldn't handle it. There is really nothing to fear. It's a wonderful experience and done in such a way that your modesty is respected at all times. For those extra shy types a chair massage, that's done fully clothed, is a good "first" option. |
|
Posted by ColoradoDreamin on 2008-05-15 14:32:24 | Rating: | Views: 95
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
|
Your article is too moved. You are a good man.
|
|
Posted by hudy87
on 2008-05-16 05:44:38
|
|
|
|
|
See I knew you would enjoy it..I am so happy that Kat did make you feel so wonderful after words...Don't forget to treat yourself again...Love and Blessings to you CD.
|
|
Posted by Hollis
on 2008-05-16 08:10:12
|
|
|
|
|
I love how you are opening up more and more about your life in your writing. There are obviously a lot of people here who care about you and I'm glad you are becoming more comfortable.
|
|
Posted by HungryHeart
on 2008-05-16 14:48:05
|
|
|
|
|
I am glad you enjoyed your massage. And, I second Holli's reminder to treat yourself again. Most of all, I think it is great that you also got a new friend out of the experience. Have a great weekend!
|
|
Posted by Meredith
on 2008-05-16 15:06:35
|
|
|
|
|
Your kind words brought tears to my eyes. I'm so glad that you felt comfortable with me. You have a beautiful spirit and it was a blessing to work on you :-)
|
|
Posted by KatD
on 2008-05-16 16:53:58
|
|
|
|
Wonderful reading!
I also have seen shows that babies without touch detach from even being able to receive love. There was a show on lifetime about a woman that had adopted one of these children. The end result not being good.
I have also heard babies do so well with massage some insurance companies pay for it in premature birth babies.
I myself don't like to be touched. I can hold hands with my husband, a quick hug from or to a friend is alright other than that I guess I am a 'touch me not'. I think this stems from my childhood. Relations with my husband is in a whole different class. I can't explain how I convert between the two. Sound strange? I can see how it might to some.
|
|
Posted by anotherdaze
on 2008-05-25 13:54:07
|
|
|
|
|
|
