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i dont know what to do, my life feels like its already over. I'm 17. It feels as if I've missed the boat. The highest point in my life has already come and gone. I can't feel happy. I can't think about the future let alone the past. I don't know why I'm here. I've spent years trying to put all of these feelings into religion. I can't feel anymore. I walk around making everyone feel as if i'm happy. I never let anyone catch on to what I'm really feeling. Tonight, I cried, for no reason. I couldn't get a hold of my mom on the phone and my mind started playing tricks with me, I'd figured she'd been in an accident. i cant feel anymore. i cant feel the terroristic explosions in my head. i've waited for the hand to pull me out of this abyss, but never did i see one. |
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Posted by Clocks90 on 2008-07-24 01:21:47 | Rating: | Views: 72
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clocks90, the boat is always waiting for you, it is the only one boat made for you, there is no rush or hurry. As for religion, they are just rules. make your own. You know what is good for you better than anyone else.
We will always need help, guidance, but not from imaginary creations written by this religion or that religion, we need help from each other.. today and always.
Don't read to another religious book!! don't listen to me! Don't have the debate in your life.. life is too good to be negative or confused, what is real, what is not.. you choose. your free to believe what ever you want.
monkee
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Posted by Heymonkee
on 2008-07-24 01:36:59
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Dear Clocks90,
Everyone in the world is a little
bi-polar.
Some of us have it worse than others.
Just like you, I go through depression and down feelings all the time. Sometimes I can be depressed for two months before feeling good again.
I always look foward to the days when I don't feel bad, it's about the only good thing I can see at times.
When you are down you don't want to talk with anyone because no-one really understands.
When you're up, you don't want to talk with anyone because you don't need any help then.
Unless you start to think in a logical way, you will never understand why you are the way you are.
The way you suffer from depression is because of the genes that were passed on to you through your DNA.
Shrinks are only starting to truely understand what goes on in our heads, but they are still caught up in some of the old bullshit.
You see depression is caused by an extra or deformed gene in your DNA.
Somewhere in the distant future they will have ways to eliminate that gene or counter act it.
That gene causes a chemical imbalance in your brain, and that leads to miss communication between the receptor cells.
At the present shrinks only have a few methods to help you cope with these problems, but talking to a shrink is much better than sitting around going through the depression all the time.
I hate to admitt this to you, but it's only right that I be 100% honest with you.
I have tryed to commit suicide three times in my life, but was saved by the doctors.
Now I am glad they saved me because my life is great.
I still suffer from depression, but now I understand it and can get help when I need it.
Shrinks always want to put you on meds for life, but I have found that I personally only need meds when the depression gets me down hard.
My shrink gets pissed at me because I don't want to be on meds everyday of the year, but now that I have explained to her just how my brain works, she has come to agree with me about using meds.
There have been times when she has questioned me about being a dope head, but now knows that I don't care for drugs at all, but at times I know I need to use them to my best advantage.
Take some of that time you spend crying, and instead analyse why you are crying.
Figure out for yourself the things that make you depressed and which ones are worse than others.
Talk to a professional about what you have learned about yourself.
Listen to what they have to say and together with them you might be able to find a way to overcome your problems.
I'll be leaving this shrink I have right now because she thinks she is better than me and she has that old stupid idea that she is smarter than I am just because she went to college.
I have learned over the years that doctors are no-smarter than anyone else, and most often they are no-different than a car mechanic!
Just like a car mechanic they have to kind of guess at what is wrong with you, then try different things to make you better.
A car mechanic has a good idea what's wrong with your car, but sometimes he doesn't really know and is just making an educated guess. So does a doctor!
If you want to talk with me about things you can write me at:
firstshotjohn@hotmail.com
That goes for anyone who wants to talk about anything.
As you can all probably tell, I'm pretty long-winded and I love to talk.
Love&Peace,
John
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Posted by jwcj
on 2008-07-24 03:36:41
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