I cannot help but think that my collegiate experience, as it is now entering its final year, has been a crash course free for all.

I have been the captain of a go cart that has been careening out of control; turning at whims and leaving me quite, quite lost.  At no one's fault but my own.

Even in situations where there were other people involved in my decisions, it was my fault for listening to them.  And when no one else was there, it was just me.

Someday, I sincerely hope, that I can look back and see.  Or at least internalize some of what I have done.  To know that I made my mistakes and I made them with full gusto, and that there is still some sort of dignity, pride, or value in that. 

That I didn't make them half-heartedly.

That is what I must remember.  No matter what else.  That, and to know that I will figure it out.

Eventually.