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| Marriage Chapter 3 |
So to ireland we went, £2000 pounds, two kids, and two suitcases of our wordly possessions. I could not get formal work, as many CV's that I sent out were ignored, and the odd one who interviewed me, left me without hope. I took on black work, cash under the counter work, working with eastern European imigrants half my age. I worked as a builders labourer, as a tiler's assistant, I worked removing asbestos from tunnels, I worked as a gardener and in my spare time I made garden furniture for sale in the back yard, and I drank! I drank heavily as is the norm in Ireland. I drank every evening, bottles of wine at a sitting. I worked six days a week. My perception was that A (My wife) waas doing nothing to support the family. My perception was that she was enjoying the new life in her home land. I felt unknown, I felt alone. Fights became the norm in the house. My perception was that her sister, a single mother of three, was not working and yet the state paid her more than I earned every week, working 12hrs a day, six days a week. A worked four hras a week teaching english as foreign language. the money she earned was hers, the money i earned was the families, and the wine merchants.
It slowly dawned on me that this drinking thing was destructive to my family, my kids could not have new clothes, their shoes were worn and too small. The fighting was horrendous. One lent period I decided to give up drinking, I loved it and have not drunk since. This sent A in to a turmoil, she now had no drinking buddy, she thought that i had given up because I had done something terrible, she thought that I had slep with someone, or worse. She diod not believe me that I had given up for different reasons. To save our family.
Shortly after this I got a break, having sent CV after CV to as many agencies as can be done, I was offered a job in Afghanistan with the UN. In fear i left for Afghanistan. I worked there for 2 years,m coming back for a 2 weeks every 3 months. Now this caused other problems. Now there was money to be spent. The kids could have what they wanted, she could live the life of Reilley, who ever he was, but it was a good life, and she loved it. I dreaded taking my breaks from work back in Ireland, I loved seeing my family, but it was never long enough. As time went by my visists home were marred byt the fact that I was not home, I was a guest in my own house. Two weeks was not long enough to get to know each other properly. A considered me as absentee father, she was convinced that I was having affairs all over the place. I was living in a very isolated, fundamentalist area of Afghanistan, there was no time for affairs and no one to have an affair with. After Two years, I was offered a better job in Sudan. But just before I took the job I insisted that we move as a family to Spain, this was no mans land, this was a warm place not too far from her beloved Ireland. We moved, A was very reluctant, but came any way. Our fighting continued. Just before I left for Sudan, we had a fight that shocked me. We were in the car, fighting about money, I was probably trying to ask her to not spend so much, she was probably telling me that I was not a father and that I should do more for the family. I looked over to her and said "A what are you getting out of this relatiuonship?" She looked at me with hatred in her eyes and hissed "Cancer, that is what I am getting, Fucking cancer." I was so shocked. I gasped. My chest went in to spasm. My body was shaking. The fine frayed thread that was holding us together snapped and love disappeared. I looked accross at her and said. "A I can not be held responsible for your health."
Some days i would be driving hopme from surfing or what ever I was doing feeling great love for her, saying all the things I was going to tell her when i got back home. But as i arrived, all my love disappeared. My chest tightened, I was repelled by the site of her distaste in me. I conversed with her through the kids. I never directed my conversations to her, because every conversation we had ended in a fight. So if i wanted her to hear something about my life I would tell the kids in her presence. This avoided the fights, but did not bring us any closer together. It was so sad, it was so horrible. I knew it was the end, but I was not strong enough to end it there and then, the kids were living in hell. This was a terrible situation.
I left for Sudan.
( No one is reading my blogs but I will continue to write them, It is cathartic for me, so the next installment of Marriage will follow shortly)
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Posted by Chomwedzi on 2008-12-16 06:40:07 | Rating: | Views: 65
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