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| Thank goodness I am a teacher...
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I only have a month of school left before I am off for the summer. This is one of the few times I can say...thank goodness I am a teacher. What would I do if I had to stay in the same boring job year round, after all, I am already quite nuts and this would just push me right over the ledge.
I tried to lower my dose of paxil again Thurday and had a mild melt down on Friday night. I have numbness in my tongue and I am dizzy as all get out. I went back up to 15 mg, seeing that I have to go back into work tomorrow and the school system frowns on the corporal punishment that might occur as a result of my mental demise.
This summer the boys and I have a lot of plans and I need to work on getting better before then. There are so many issues in my life and I have got to get them straightened out before I kill myself. I am not talking suiside, thats not me, but I am not healthy and I am nervous that I might not wake up one morning. I wake up each day with the greatest intensions but I never make it through the day with any kind of success. I want to live to see my kids grow up. I want to be around to see my grandchildren. I want to grow old with my husband (well most of the time). I just wonder if it is in the cards that I will make it?
For so long I had so much to look forward to. College, my first job, my masters degree, getting married, having children, getting my first house...Now all those things have a check by them and Ii am not sure what I am supposed to be yearning for. My boys are only 5 so grandkids seem so far away. I have lived my life looking for goals and now I can't reach the most difficult ones. I need to lose weight, I need to quit smoking, I need to write a book. How am I going to do it?
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Posted by CherylLeppo on 2008-05-04 23:10:34 | Rating: | Views: 37
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