Thoughts.com Blogs - so sadddd...

This change of medication is killing me. Let me tell you, I am falling apart. Today I was looking at my husband and I just thought, oh my gosh he is so handsome and I love him so much but I know he has to detest me. I have been the biggest beeyach lately.
Before Brian, I never had anyone love me before. Brian is the first to look beyond the outside. I have always thought of myself as a good person, this is my only redeeming quality. When you're ugly you can't be mean or you will be alone. I know I complained about having everyone on top of me like a month ago, but now I am scared I will be left alone. I have been alone before and it is horrible. I have got to get myself together or he's going to leave me.
I wonder how people just function day to day like normal humans. Do others have the same thoughts as me? Am I just crazy? I worry about the boys being okay, I would die without the twins!!! I worry that they are smart enough, I thank god they are handsome young men. I worry that I will embarrass them as they get older. Will they want their fat ugly momma around? Will they go off with their daddy? Will Brian leave me? Is he seeing someone else? What is she like? What do they do? What will happen if I run out of money. Will he take the dogs with him? The house? I am just so CRAZY!!!-weird-not right in the head!!

If you plan on getting on Paxil in the future, pleae think of me before you do, this is the result of 4 years of 40mg paxil daily. I can't get off of it! And now I am falling apart. Today I am very tierd and confused. I have these muddled thoughts floating around in my head and I feel like the top of a cotton ball. I am crying one minute and laughing hysterically the next. My stomach has hurt and my head gets to pounding. I keep forgetting names and I lose track of what I am doing very easily. After only 2 weeks I have halved my dose to 20 mg at night and 10 mg in the morning. I still am having dizzy spells... I hope I can make it through without losing my family!