Here goes another season…

With the tagline of "Dream Big" or whatever, I sincerely hope that the auditions will be people that actually really believe they can sing instead of the attention seekers that make me want to jump out the window. So here's hoping for a good season and an Idol worthy of his/her title.

We begin with a winner! Love the weight-loss story, definitely an attention grabber. Awesome voice. Congrats, bro.

That poor Yuka kid. He seemed really sweet, and I love that he was waiting for the right girl. It's a shame that he's such an innocent and seems to know nothing, portraying people who wait as naïve and disconnected from the world.

The backup singer's not gonna make it.

Um. Yellow suit guy. Colonel Mustard. Uh.
Can I comment on that without laughing so hard I throw my laptop across the room? No…not really.

Those three guys that they showed all together were amazing. The younger guy was kinda hot. And it's about time we had a good Latino/a on the show.

Ryan: Hey, ladies. You're the hottest women out there.
Sweet Old Women: *giggleblushgiggle*
Ryan: No, seriously. The hottest I can get.

Temptress, love. First of all…I'm glad I'm not in her way on the football field. That look she gave when she said that about breaking bones… Girl's a hoss. And it's so sad about her mother, and I can just here all the idiots out there saying, "Oh, she's so fat and it's so stereotypical and no wonder she's ill. She probably sits on behind all day and is the laziest person…"
Look. I'm not gonna stand up for obesity or say that you have no choice, but, judging from the clothes they wore and Temptress' comment that she helps to pay the bills, they probably don't have a lot of money. Go look at your grocery store and see what's cheap and feeds a lot of people (there were a few people present as part of the family). Potatoes and Ramen and starch-filled foods. Fatty meats and canned stuff full of sodium. The very foods dieticians say to eat in extreme moderation; the foods that encourage weight gain. Just sayin'.
And another thing about this dear girl. When you audition for something like this…don't sing the hardest freaking song in the history of, like, ever (or at least the past thirty years). That song requires some serious pipes.

What the heck is this guy doing? Is he having a spasm? Oh...he's dancing.  Seriously, hon…I dance better than that, Mr. Udi Sampat. You sound like Frank Sinatra? Barry Manilow? How about……uh…..no. Slightly disturbing. How else do you explain that?
The batteries in the calculator thing was cute, Simon. What happened to your sting?

Blah...Gotta love these montages…  Well that one guy actually sang alright, but he sounded like a girl. Like the twelve year old girl singing the solo in the school program. Ah! That woman scared the crud out of me… So did she. And she. And him/her… Eeek. And this "Philly's scariest woman" better be frightening as all get out, the way they're making her out, because I've seen some scary women.

Have I mentioned that I can't stand Ryan?

Alexis…Philly's scariest woman, so they say….Different drummer? How 'bout a different band? Yes, you're very shiny. Moderation, love. Moderation. Aw. Cute kitty. And the dog looks afraid. Maybe she should lay off on the glitter on the lip…looks like a stardust moustache.
Singing…interesting. Belongs in a rock band maybe, not a pop competition. "Simon's a big fat bad word. Very very bad word." He wasn't even that mean to her…
Why do you feel like giving the camera the finger? Because you wanted to show out and get noticed. I like the vengence speech, though. Something original and different than the normal *sniff* "You haven't seen the last of me!" *Sniff.*
.
Angela Martin—This woman is so beautiful. And her daughter is beautiful too. Goodness…this is a sad story that is actually legit. I hope she can sing. I hate when they show these people that you fall in love with and then they don't make it. Like the woman last year whose husband told her that she shouldn't even try.
Thank goodness! She can sing! 'Course the last person to audition with this song was Sanjaya… Yes! She's going to Hollywood!
Ryan looks frightened… Heh! Keep the handbag. It's hot.

Alyse Wieahgoeamresky—Very bright dress. A song with five words? Interesting way to showcase your "abilities". And I think I had that nightmare too. 

Oooh. Child… Leave the Cheetah Girls their own fashion, Milo. Oh great. Another person that makes those of us that abstain from sex look like loons. No, please don't sing the second verse. Please. And shave the chest hair if you're gonna wear the open shirt thing.

Kristy Lee Cook… Aw, she sold her good horse to come here. Not as dramatic as Angela, but still sad. And why didn't she go to one of the closer auditions so she didn’t have to sell her horse? She's from Oregon. Nice to hear the truth sung so beautifully.

Cloak man… Simon's eye roll said it all. Here goes the cloak and…Great Sith and Jedi!

More bad auditions… Shekhinah, darling. You're not Mariah Carey. Angry people and angry words… Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Got it.

Wow, another love song for Paula. Can somebody say, "Restraining order?" OMG… I don't feel safe anymore. And I don’t think Paula does either.

If she were a bathtub, I would caulk her…

UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR: That was creepy. 

Simon: Why are you here?
Beth Stalker: Well…duh. Singing competition. Got a voice. Yeah. *SING*
Simon: You're boring.
Randy: Sure, dawg. Just to spite Simon.
Paula: I love you! And the stalker guy!

Are you serious? He came back? I can empathize, Paula…It totally was the chest hair that distracted me.

Chris Watson—Did he get the lyrics right? Very talented…and pretty cute. (Random pointless prediction: Look for the dreads to get cut.) And yes, dear… The chicks will like you. Remember crying girl? And you're way cuter than Sanjaya.

Star Wars girl… Love the game show version of SW music. It's like…Bob Barker meets Luke Skywalker. She looks like a correction officer. Go for it, girl. Ryan…don't make Star Wars jokes. You're not smart enough. Anyway, Christina… You know, I'd like to see one these odd people actually have talent. And she didn't.
Randy, we know you love the Leia buns. Just come out with it. You're thinking about them for yourself, aren't ya?

Brooke—aw. She and those little girls are so cute. And I'm glad she's got morals. And some amazingly large earrings. Those are in short supply on American television. The victory dance is so adorable!  And I like her voice...I do.  It's a bit different and untrained, but I'm hoping that she will be improving throughout the competition.

Simon: Release your anger. Strike me down, my apprentice, and your journey to the Dark Side of the Force will be complete. 
Brooke of Sunshine: No thanks!

Christina. I agree. The world is a superficial place. Very superficial. But, dork to dork, you really didn't do that well, sweetheart.
And thus began the first round of musical talent, horror, and inspiration.
I don't really know why this show is so addicting, really.
I think it's because it's a prime example of the stereotypical American dream—the person struggling to get by that, with a little luck and a lot of talent, makes it big. It's really inspiring, it is.
It is kinda the same thing every year: bad auditions, nervous Hollywood, at least one surprise vote, tearful celebration.
But it's a positive show and that's welcome.