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Hello, Lonely.

All right, Saturday night. Or maybe it will be Sunday morning by the time I get arond to posting this. Either way, I am still going to type this. It's a "download music" night, so I am typing this up on my OpenOffice program. I hope it all formats correctly when I try to put it on here, but if it doesn't, I'll fix it, and you'll never notice the difference. The program I am using to download the music makes my computer too slow to have my internet browser open, so that's why I'm not even on the website right now.

I was going to type this up last night, but I was too tired. I actually fell asleep on the couch on accident. Haven't done that in awhile,actually. It feels like it, anyways. Back to Friday, though, is where I should start, Friday morning. It was like any other morning really, with the lack of sleep and everything. Finally had to wear my coat because it was going to be so cold. I don't regret that, either, despite how much I dislike wearing coats. They don't really fit over my hoody.

I went to school though, of course, and it was anything but a normal day. I guess I cut myself shaving the previous night, didn't realize it, and it started bleeding again that day. Also, my third and fourth period teacher wasn't around so we had a substitute and it was really boring. My tech partner was being a huge pain to top it off. I didn't have to do much all of the school hours except for maybe first, where I got ANOTHER assignment. Apparently all of the Biology classes are a full month behind where they should be. Who's fault is that? If you weren't so busy telling us all how worthless we are, maybe we'd get more done.

Also, one of the kids in my seventh period got fed up with the teacher and stormed out of the room, breaking the door just slightly as he went. I don't think she noticed, because I barely did. He went to the office and I bet he's not in trouble anymore. He came back near the end of the class and apologized to the teacher. If you can call that an apology. I think he just didn't want to get in trouble so he sucked it up.

Eigth period passed without much incident - the teacher was extremely pissed off for some reason though. We watched a movie from the internet and then the day was over. Now, before I move on, let me just point out that I am not gay. I don't have anything against gay people, but I'm not gay. At all. If there was ever any doubt, it was alleviated when I began to date Cassandra. So imagine how awkward it was when my friend Josh asked to go to the movies with me.

I want to get out more, don't get me wrong,but two guys going to the movies? I didn't want to dismiss the idea entirely though, so I asked him what movie and said that I would see how I felt later. I actually asked Aja if she wanted to chill with us and she said no. I kept thinking about how hard it had been to go to the movies with Lindsey and honestly I wasn't sure. I got on the busand I heard that Lindsey had been hanging out with the Halotards, a name I have given to the group of guys that are obsessed with the game Halo. They all get together on occasion and play. Yeck.

I was a bit pissed, of course. Mickey hadn't been there, first of all. That made me angry because that is always Lindsey's excuse for everything, that she can't go because of Mickey. So then it hit me that she was just blowing me off because she didn't want to chill. I have asked her a lot to hang and she always had pretty much the same excuse, that she was working and that Mickey was expecting her afterwords.

Lindsey is supposed to be my friend, mind you. What kind of friend does that? I sent her an angry text message and an argument ensued over the course of the day. I am no longer speaking to her - I trusted Lindsey more than I trusted Cassandra, and I trusted Cassandra more than anyone else in my life, with the exception of my family members. Here she has been lying to me and avoiding me. I am almost as hurt as I was when Cassandra cheated on me, but I don't have that capacity for hurt available at the moment.

I went home and played some video games with my step-brothers and messed around on the computer a bit, did my usual: checked my favorite internet comic, read my favorite blogs if there were new posts, and played with my PSP a bit. It was around eight that I got to becoming nervous about the whole movie ordeal. I knew my friend would be wanting an answer by then. Sure enough, he logged in to AIM to ask me about it. I told him I would only go if he wasn't going to be weird. He said fine.

My friend arrived, I got my stuff together, and we left. Got to the movie thirty minutes early and we were just sitting in the parking lot, and that made me sad too. Cassandra and I used to sit around before the movie because we usually got there a little earlier then we should have. Everyone always seems to misjudge the amount of time it takes to get to this particular theater. So I suggested we go see if Lindsey was at work - She works at the Subway in the town we were in. She wasn't there.

We went back and there were only a few minutes before it was going to be time, so we went in, got our tickets, and my friend, Josh, was getting his food and drinks when some of our school buds showed up. It was Gabe, who I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, and some other kid that I dislike. We almost got in to a fight once, that's all I remember. Of course, we got gay jokes from him. It didn't bother me much.

So we saw the movie. It was Cloverfield, by the way. Kind of scary. It is taped from just the right kind of perspective to make it seem real, and that's what makes it so scary. Not the kind of scary you'd get out of a horror movie, but the kind of scary you get out of being in a near-death experience, like a car crash. And just when you think it can't scare you anymore, something new comes along. Some ladies head explodes or something at one point. You have to see it to get what I am talking about.

The movie got over, and little did I know that the sadness was not about to end. It wasn't there for the movie, because Josh and I actually talked some through it, working it out as it went along. The movie was loud enough that we could, and when it wasn't, there were usually some girls laughing loud enough to be more noticeable than us. Yes, the movie has its funny parts.

I digress, though. The movie ended, and we left, and I guess my friend didn't want to go home yet. So we went to Wal-mart. Wal-mart was the last place Cass and I had been when we were together. We didn't see any more of our friends there. In fact, there almost wasn't anyone there. A little awkward because Wally World is usually the place in Independance that you'll find them at at odd hours. We did see some chick there with our school jacket on, but it wasn't anyone we recognized.

That was about all that happened. We stood around at the electronics section for awhile looking at stuff, and then I went down to the beverage section and picked up some more of my favorite soda. It's so expensive that I have to buy it myself. Cassandra bought my last two packs, kind of. I paid her back. My friend got a box of donuts so I paid for those too, to kind of make up for him driving us around. The donuts cost more than the drinks combined did.

Then he took me home. He stayedfor a bit, and his Mom called and so he went home. I was really tired but wanted to type up this entry. I drank a bunch of my new expensive soda and fell asleep on the couch instead. Not a terrible trade-off, really. Woke up at about four in the morning, went upstairs, put some pop in the fridge, and fell asleep until two the next day.

That pretty much wraps up everything. Now for stuff completely random and off topic.

Since about Thursday, I've been chewing on some Stride hum. Not the same piece, mind you. I finished it all by Friday night. I noticed something a bit... Questionable, though. If you've ever chewed Stride gum, you'll notice that once you finish, there is writing in the package. Okay, big deal, so what? Here's the things -- It talks about how you must still be chewing that first piece, and on the bottom half, it says you should chew another piece.

Okay, if I was still on the first piece, I wouldn't be able to read this crap. And if I hadn't been chewing othe rpieces, I wouldn't be able to see this other part either. I mean, what, do they think that people take these out and spread them along a flat surface or build pyramids out of the pieces or what? The only logical excuse behind this is that you're supposed to chew one piece and give the other thirteen pieces away.

But, as I have said before, it seems that some things in this world just weren't made to make sense. That bugs me a bit, but a lot of things bug me. Straight lines drawn with a ruler that that don't end up being straight, for instance. Messy handwriting (I constantly erase my own handwriting and rewrite it) is another one. Lesbians that brag about how they made out/had sex/whatever else with their girlfriends bother me too. Slutty women as well. Religious zealots rank up there as an afterthought.

...

Well, it's Sunday right now. I fell asleep on the couch again and didn't wake up until seven. Oh well. I guess I'll be posting this later than I expected. Everything said previously still stands, mind you. Now I need to get my mind-set back, though. I was discussing random things is all I remember. I guess I should put a blurb in here dealing with Cassandra as whole, as per routine.

I think I have been doing better about her. Before, I used to have to make myself not look at her. Now it's just hard to look at her. I'm not sure why, it just feels wrong. I would like to think that it is because I don't think she deserves to know that I still think about her every day and wish things had been different, that sometimes I still cry about her. That whenever I think back to the good times, I feel sick to my stomach with sadness.Someone said I sounded like I am obsessed with her. Maybe I am. Is it so wron got cherish someone that was so important to you, though? I don't think it is.

Maybe there is a line seperating the two, obsession and cherishment, but if there is, I am blind to it in a situation like this. I don't call her anymore though, I don't look at her, don't talk to her, don't really talk about her unless I am reminiscing on something. With the exception of this blog, of course. Another one of my friends who recently broke up with his girl recommended I download a certain song by Theory of a Deadman. By now, I have, of course. That was yesterday. I downloaded a bunch more songs by the same band and have been listening to them. All of the ones I have found seem to have something to do with your girl turning away from you or something related to it.

It's kind of funny, because even the ones with optimistic titles are about it too. Whoever wrote these songs must have a lot of girl troubles or something. Well, who doesn't, really? Some people are just lucky enough to not break-up though, I suppose. I don't know if I mentioned this in an earlier blog, but I don't ever plan on getting back with Cassandra, not even if she asked. It would be hard, but I would remember all of this crap and how much it has hurt and the choice will be obvious.

Oh, speaking of girl troubles, Aja broke up with her boyfriend. She wanted me to be there for it but I didn't want to have to sit by a bunch of strangers when she did it at lunch. Aja broke up with him before then anyways. I am kind of happy that she did, though not for the reason you might think. Lindsey is with her boyfriend, and she constantly talks about how she doesn't love him, and Aja told me once that she couldn't stand her beau. So at least she didn't play him or anything like L plays Mickey.

So, everyone is breaking up. Not too long till' Valentines day, too. That should suck. Assuming I am still moping over Cassandra by then and haven't gotten a new girlfriend, anyways. I hope I'm at least fully over her by then, and she's just an annoying echo in the back of my head. My friend Josh broke up with his girlfriend some time ago too. We talked about it Friday, about his ex-girlfriend and Cassandra and he kind of explained to me why nobody really likes Cass.

I think I am running out of things to talk about. If you have made it this far, congratulations. You probably shouldn't have stared at your computer screen for this long though. You poor soul. I guess, to top this off -- Tomorrow is Monday, and I will have to eat lunch at the same table as Cassandra. Unless I should choose to sit elsewhere, which I probably won't. I have been sitting at that table longer than her, so hah!

Okay, I'm done. Good luck out there in this crazy world, you other bloggers!

"It seems that nothing ever goes my way
Since you broke my heart when you left that day
There's nowhere to go so just stay with me
Cause since you've been gone, I've been beggin' you please
To tell me that you're not alright
And you needed to come home."