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On April 11th 2005 my son handed me my husbands mobile and told me to read the texts. A woman had been texting him, and he her in return. The texts were casually intimate, something only he and I should have been sharing. My heart began to pound in my chest. Surely not, we had been married nearly 20 years at the time.
I called him into the room and through the raging heartbeat pounding in my ears, I could hear myself firing questions at him. Who is she? How long have you known her? Where did you meet? Any woman who has been in a similar situation knows where I am coming from.
His responses were what i wanted to hear. She (Bernadette) was a casual acquaintance, they had never even kissed, he would stop all communication with her immediately. I was not satisfied with his responses and through my own detective work, found out where she lived and paid her a visit. Her responses were the same as his and it occurred to me that he had told her what to say, except that she said they had known each other for months and that she would leave him alone only if he left her alone. I have to say at this point, without being bitchy, that this woman before me was nothing special, small, squat with unexceptional features (apart from large breasts) and straw like bleached hair.
I am disgusted to say that for the sake of my marriage, and to save myself any more anguish than I could handle at the time, I accepted what they both told me and life went on. We re-took our marriage vows, took a holiday without the kids and generally became like young lovers again, it was good for a while.
Fast forward to 27th December 2007. Bernadette sent my husband a text wishing him a happy 48th birthday, and signed off from her and her daughter. I immediately sank into a blind panic and ran from our sitting room, mobile in hand and confronted him as he came down the stairs.
His face sank and he swore it was out of the blue. He swore on the kids lives, and that of his aged mother that he had not spoken to her to contacted her since April 2005. I knew he was lying and this time I was not prepared to sell myself short and let him get away with it.
We were meeting a group of friends for drinks to celebrate his birthday and rather than cancel, we went ahead with out plans. My best friend Cheryl asked my what was wrong. I have know her since we were both 7 years old and she knows me better that my own sisters.
I said that Bernadette had been in touch with Dave (she knew all about it of course) and she asked me what I was going to do. I could barely manage to swallow anything, but told her I would confront it in the morning. My husband was very attentive all night, but he knew it was the calm before the storm.
I awoke on the morning of the 28th December intent on confronting the inevitable. Hubby came into the room, and demanded he sit down and tell me the truth.
As I relay the events that followed, my despair and anguish surface again in the form of heart rending sobs. My shock at what followed has not subsided, and I have not managed to eat anything since the 27th December. It is the 30th today. I have to write this blog to purge some of the pain I feel and to try and aleviate my feelings of isolation as I cannot tell anyone else what is happening to me.
Hubby looked straight at me and announced that if I wanted the truth, he would give it as he had felt the weight of guilt for too long (poor chap).
Without any pre-amble or build up he admitted that he had had a relationship with Bernadette for 12 years! 12 years, I just kept repeating that over and over until a light went on in my brain. What about her daughter? He admitted that she had told him the girl was his, although throughout their relationship she had also been married so he disputed it. She had never asked him for maintenance and he had never offered it. He had never met the child but continued to screw the mother.
I dissolved into hysterical animalistic screaming and flew from the room. Hubby followed me and the children appeared from wherever they had been in the house and demanded to know what was going on, at the same time trying to calm me. Hubby told them he had just admitted to an affair. My children looked at him in disgust, my sone enveloped my in his arms and my daughter sobbed quietly behind us. I demanded he left the house immediately. Still screaming and pulling at my own hair in pure despair, I felt a wave of nausea and made my way to the bathroom. Hubby was in there and I just launched myself at him, arms flailing, finger nails scraping and finally punches landing on his face. I was demented and possessed. The pain was so intense I could not breathe and he grabbed my arms and escaped by attack. I closed the bathroom door and sank to the floor, sobbing and heaving, still screaming with the children banging on the door begging to be let in. I ran a bath and lowered myself into the hot water, where I stayed until my sobs subsided about an hour later. |
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Posted by Carolyn47 on 2007-12-30 11:48:17 | Rating: | Views: 46
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Please accept my prayer for you because I have no advice. Dear Heavenly Father you see Carolyn47 broken heart and anguish, let your love surround her and bring healing. Instill in her the hope of life that she will be strong during this time. I pray a covering of protection over her children that you would help them be strong. Let peace come to this home and may You be honored. Amen
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Posted by Beloved
on 2007-12-30 12:06:42
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jeez carolyn...
i can't really comment 'cause it would do no good...
i hope you manage to keep yourself in one piece.
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Posted by badlydrawnstickman
on 2007-12-30 13:47:54
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Carolyn47
United Kingdom
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