Every time I'm in a relationship I get to that point where I just stop.  I look back at the past few months/years and question how I got this far at all.  What have I really seen in this person all along?  Do I really want to continue to be with them?  Am I really happy?  Who else might I be missing?  What else might I be missing?
Fateful questions for any relationship.  This does not always mean the end for my relationships.  It either means a beginning into a new chapter, or it does me a close to our book.
Craig and I have been going out six months, it will be seven months in eight days.  And I have finally hit that spot.  Shocking, usually it comes after three or four months.  He's had a bit longer.
But when I'm with him, I look at him, and I wonder, "I've known you almost eight months, called you mine for almost seven, and do I really know you?"  Shouldn't that be plently of time to get to know someone?  Plenty of time to decide if you really want to put more time and effort into this relationship or break the ties off?
My longest relationships have lasted a year and then two 1/2 years.  One ended on my behalf, the other I broke off because he wasn't as faithful as I wanted.  The first was a long time coming for the break-up.  I had decided within three months that the relationship was over, and it took me nearly eight to end it.  The second I ended despite being relatively happy, I saw some flaws but I thought I could make them all work.  I was wrong.  I got my heart broken.
I waited a year to have another boyfriend.  I found that in Craig.  And I just woke up the other night, staring at him, and wondering what my future would be like if I really did end up with Craig.  I can make this fantasy of everything I would like it to be, play all the possibilities in a good light.  But what are the harsher aspects of a realistic life?
Craig works for the railroad.  In a few years he will be spending most of his time transporting between Birmingham and Atlanta, staying gone for a few days at a time every other week.  Other nights not knowing what shifts he'd have to work.  He could be gone all day, he could be gone all night.  When at home only wanting to go straight to bed.  Its good pay for a reason, to keep on employees with crap hours.  I woke up beside him that night, staring at him sleeping, a look of hardened expression on his face.  He had been working hard for the past few days and it had taken a toll on him.  What if he had to do that for ten years straight?  He gets cranky and ill when he's tired.  Physically sick as well, his immune system isn't up to par because he's not really the healthiest eating/exercising person. 
He could miss anniversaries, games, practices, parties, holidays, etc.  It would be all apart of the job.  All apart of a life I could lead. 
He doesn't like to travel.  Doesn't like confined spaces for long periods of time.  Meaning the furthest I would ever make it from a shared home may be a plane ride to Illinois or a car ride to Tennessee or the Gulf.  A cruise?  Maybe.  Only for two or three days...all he can spare from work. 
He wants an indoor wedding, one kid, and a hunting dog.  I want an outdoor wedding, three kids, and a westie.  He hates westies.
He would be happy living the rest of his life in Pineywoods, Alabama.  I on the other hand would love the land and the area, the convenience, and the beauty.  But I want my kids to have an opportunity at a better school than Curry.  I want to be able to get to work in less than an hour.  I don't want to have to pay $20 a day in gas. 
I'm happy with Craig.  I love Craig.  But its about time for me to ask myself.  Where is this really going?
Am I settling by being with him, or am I building a foundation for a future?
I'm only eighteen.  Where do I want to make it in life?