Hello there. To anyone and everyone reading.
So, 2007 has flown passed us so fast and I still can't believe it! My Children had their 1st birthday and my husband and I had our first Year Anniversary. What a year!! Through the year, we have all had our ups and downs. But for me, I feel as though it's become more of a mission to pick out the positive in the "friendship" that my husband and I share. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am still madly in love with my husband and our love grows stronger and stronger each and every second of every day. However, as each holiday passed us by I put all of my heart into buying the PERFECT gifts for him to make sure that he had EXACTLY what he wanted for each and every wonderful occasion that passed us by. If he mentioned that he wanted a gaming system, I was sure to buy it for him for the next holiday coming up; even if that meant he got it early, he still got everything that he wanted. I was always so sure that I let him know how much I appreciate him, his company, his love and his friendship. Now, any civilized human being would only expect for someone to treat them as special as they have treated everyone else. But for me, my story is different. I have had 6 holidays and special occasions that have come across me this year and not once did I even receive a card. NOTHING that symbolizes the appreciation, Nothing that tells me that he was thinking about me, and Nothing that shows that he cares about me. For my birthday, I got gifts galore from so many people that care about and I even got gifts from people I hardly know. But I didn't get ANYTHING from my husband. On the day of my birthday, I had to stay home by myself with my children while my husband hung out with his friends. I HONESTLY think that he forgot that it was my birthday. I didn't want to mention anything to him at first because I saw how much he had enjoyed his day with his friends. But as the hours passed through the night, it became harder and harder to bare. So finally I just bursted out and asked him why he would much rather spend MY birthday with his friends. All that he could say was, "sorry." I was so hurt and I just couldn't believe it. Basically my birthday was pretty miserable. I did, however, enjoy spending my birthday with my BEAUTIFUL children! So of course after a day or two, I had to let it go. Then came Easter. I rushed through the traffic at the shopping center to purchase his goodies and I even brought it home to assemble it all into a beautiful basket for him.  So Easter morning comes and everyone exchanges their gift baskets. I got beautiful baskets from quite a few people but NOTHING from my husband. Not even a card. So, I just let it go and moved on. Well as each and every other holiday passed by, i got used to the fact that I just wasn't someone on his list. Then came our VERY FIRST MARRIAGE ANNIVERSARY. When I had everything planned out his gift, I just knew that it was going to be the BEST anniversary EVER! Well, that was until, he didn't even care to tell me, "Happy Anniversary." He didn't even care to buy a card or anything. Luckily, I had already planned the day out, so we actually did go out with the kids. But all we really did was bicker about everything. Obviously I was a bit irritated at the fact that this day must not have been of any importance to him. At that point, all of the feelings that I had from not getting any gifts from him for any other occasion, had suddenly come back to me. That night when I got home, he decided that he wanted to go to the gym with his friends. So stupid me, allowed him to go and the very second that he walked out the door, I knew that I couldn't hold it in any longer and I broke down in tears. I couldn't even catch my breath, this anger, pain and misery had just been building up inside of me for so long. I never knew that it would be this bad. I made a very personal decision to keep my marriage problems between my husband and myself but I am now beginning to think that I didn't make a very wise decision by doing so. When I try to talk to him about how I am truly feeling, it's like he doesn't care to even understand. He just moans and groans and blocks it all out so it's like i end up talking to the wall! Well, after that episode, I felt like maybe I'm doing something wrong. Maybe I'm not worthy enough to be appreciated. So I decided that even though I already have such a jampacked schedule that I abide by on a daily basis, I better make more of an effort to please him. So I started cooking him wonderful meals and doing everything that he asked of me. Basically, I made so many sacrifices in my life in order to please him in his life. Well, now i see that that was only a huge mistake. Now I just feel like I am his slave and now I have to do all of this stuff in order to maintain sanity in my household. So, Christmas time just passed and I got wonderful gifts from both family and friends. However, once again, I got nothing from my husband .... what a surprise! I guess there really is nothing that I can force upon this man in order for him to show any type of appreciation for the things that I do for him. I promise to each and every one of you, He is no longer the man that i fell in love with! And as I write this blog, it's becoming a lot clearer to me. This is the very first time that I have ever spoken out about my marriage to ANYONE besides my husband. Hopefully, this new year will ring in a change in his ways. Good Reading and Good Night!!