Of course everything is not about me....

I just kind of feel sad and dissappointed, probably like me they do feel the same thing. There were moments when im not sure what they think of me, or are they judging me. Sometimes, I feel that they think im ridiculous. Or they think im too think, or maybe i am not as perfect like them. I probably think differently.

I maybe too emotional, though there were times that i dont like to talk about whats happening about me, with them anymore. Fear that they would just shrug if off or just point out my mistakes. They say friends tell you the truth...but sometimes i needed someone who trusts and believes in my capabilities, that i did that because i what i was doing. I sometimes need someone who would agree with me...I maybe wrong, but i wish they would understand why id felt that way, Suspicions may be wrong, but feeling are more complex if not subjective: emotions, intuitions.

Do they always think I am that shallow? I think a lot, maybe thats why i end up being paranoid and pessimistic. But i have my basis. And come to think of it, i never felt so insecured before. How come? And how did it happen that i have become so submissive? And i hate myself for letting them?

I am not justifying my opinions and beliefs. Its just that it is so easy to point out how wrong or how mistaken I was. When i never confirmed or said that this is what i really feel or think. It was feeling that was so hard to understand...and i know that it is wrong. Sometimes, I just need to let it all out...talk out loud.

Sometimes, they seem to not care...or sometimes would not listen. Are they sick and tired of me? Have i Been too weak? Have I said too much?

Who would understand me? And I wonder why i ended up so miserable and so pessimistic. I never wanted to become the victim. I wanted to be strong. But it has been attacking me for so long now. And couldnt there be just one thing that is clear...one thing that is clear and most of all what i have been wishing for.

And I never felt so lonely...

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Well, yeah. You could never expect people to always understand you....