I don't believe I have ever felt so depressed.  I feel like I'm no longer in control of my destiny.  My life is no longer what it used to be, but I've always tried to manage by staying positive.  Right now I'm truly worried about my mother because she has changed drastically.  She is no longer the mother who could always fend for herself and put others in their place.  She is no longer the same person whom I could trust with all my secrets and engage in "mother/daughter" talks.  I really do miss the way things used to be.

Mom is much older and more forgetful which means that she will soon become dependent.  This will become a difficult transition because she's always been extremely independent and able to carry on her daily routines.  Over the past several weeks, we've noticed that she's been losing valuable personal belongings.  She constantly misplaces important documents and other information.  Mom has also become very argumentative when we express our concern for her personal well-being.  Recently, a nurse phoned me to explain that my mom refuses to undergo testing for dementia.  I feel that mom should consider this, but she should never be forced.  She is very angry with the nurse and accuses her of trying to force unwanted medication into her system.  I think the nurse truly wants to help my mother, but mom is not a willing participant.  Whether I agree or not, I respect my mom's decision.

I tried to prepare myself years ago for the time when I would need to take care of mom.  Well, the time is now approaching and I have major concerns.  First of all, my only support group are my children.  They realize the toll it is taking on me and the enormous stress involved.  The saddest thing is that I have very little interactions with my siblings.  We are virtually strangers who just happen to share the same blood line.  A couple of my siblings are financially better off than I am and could afford to help with resources for mom.  It's also a shame that I cannot call them to discuss my concerns and to ask for their input. 

I love mom very much, but she can be very stubborn when someone offers advice and concern for her.  Within the last year, my mom has become such a different person and will require assisted living at some point.  This depresses me because caring for an elderly parent is extremely hard and I cannot rely on my family members to assist me.  It's up to me to take on this responsibility because she needs me and I need her.  I believe that God will provide me with the strength and patience to care for mom when the time comes.     

I also believe that God directed me to Thoughts.com because it's a great website and it allows me to have a little fun.  I enjoy interacting with other members and sharing my opinions as well as appreciating the views of others.  I'm very happy to be a part of the "Thoughts" community.  This site also offers me a temporary, but pleasant escape from the problems of every day life and I've made a few friends which is the best part. :)