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So I'm moving on the first with my roommates, and I honestly don't know if I made the right choice. I still feel like a third wheel, and I know that I take things more personally than both of the other two. I feel so left out. They always go places together, and never invite me. They make decisions about our apartment and only inform me after the fact. I know I might be acting a little emo, but the feelings shouldn't just be pushed aside. I'm so angry about it all!
She used to be my best friend, and now it's like she's sick of me or something. I don't know why, or what the hell happened, but she only invites me to do things with her and Tim when they feel obligated to (like it I'm with them when the issue arises or something). Whenever I bring up a topic, or invite her to do something, she always says no or makes up some fucking lame ass excuse.
Maybe I intentionally put myself in these situations. I read about this kind of thing in my psych books all the time. I did have a fucked up childhood, so it's definitely possible.
I just wish that she would either get over whatever the hell she's dealing with or be straight up with me. I'm sick of the fake kindness. I don't like being ignored. I'm fucking sick of it.
I'm thinking about just isolating myself from all of them for the next week or so. Show them that I don't need them. I know that I'm different from them, but I always thought that when people are different from one another their personalities can compliment each other. But I guess I was wrong.
I try so SO hard to not depressed over this issue, and I had been doing alright for awhile, but it's really starting to escalate. I can't help but feel incredibly alone. My best friend from high school has very obviously moved on. We barely ever speak. My sister moved to another state, and we speak maybe once every two months. Last time I spoke to her was around her birthday in April. My mom is fucking crazy, so even if we do talk it's not about anything emotionally substantial. Usually she just tells me about what she's knitting.
My entire family is very self-absorbed. The only friends that I really have close to me are my roommates, and now I can't even really call them friends. Purely roommates. It's so fucking depressing.
I honestly don't know what to do.
I hate this. |
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Posted by BuddingOptimist on 2008-06-21 20:42:14 | Rating: | Views: 24
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