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| Here I am |
So here I am. I took my dad's advice and decided to start a diary of sorts. He thinks I'm a good writer, I disagree. Maybe when I was 12. That was when I always had a book stapled to my hands, back when I did not care much for real life. Now 10 years later and I'm ashamed I haven't read a proper book in more than a year (proper being the key word here). Maybe if my only bookshop wasn't the local WH Smith, I would be in a much better situation. Anyway, it's about quarter past 8 in the evening, the sun's setting, my house mates are still outside enjoying the beautiful weather and I've been stuck on my bed for the last couple of hours.
I feel almost sad that I'm not outside with them even though I don't know them very well. I'm not very good at socialising and meeting new people, something I've been working on for years to overcome. I've always wished to be one of those people who could just enter a crowd, oozing confidence, and just look like they belong there. Instead, I almost always feel like the bumblebee buzzing outside my window right now, seeing everything through the glass window but still not able to get in. It's not like people are cruel to me, purposely keeping me out, I just become so self conscious and usually think not twice but ten times before I open my mouth and say something. Definitely like the bumblebee, this quivering, nervous wreck.
'Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.' Ah this is hands down my favourite line from any song. And it sounds even more beautiful being sung by the lovely Jem. Something about her voice soothes the soul. I've got my playlist on repeat with three songs right now, 'Your Guardian Angel' by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, 'Everything I do' by Anoop Desai and 'Yellow' by Jem. One might assume that I'm in a romantic mood right now but no, they just seem to be helping my flow of writing for some reason. There's nothing romantic about my life right now anyways, despite the fact that I'm inlove. I'm torn between making the practical decision, the one that will guarantee me a safe life or making the type of decision any wise friend would tell you not to make. And of course this has gotten me wondering why things have to be so complicated. And then I berate myself for coming this close to becoming one of those resentful people, not looking at the bigger picture, only focusing on my relatively small problems. I force myself to appreciate everything I have in my life right now which isn't a hard thing to do since I believe I am truly blessed (knock on wood). I mean I'm finally studying at university, living out on my own and top it all off a very supportive family. It was the start of my university life that inspired my dad to ask me to write a diary. Him, my mother and little brother are living away from me right now and he wanted me to document my struggles as I started my new life here. Ofcourse I've digressed. I think I shall properly talk about my daily issues in the next entry. Which reminds me, I should really be working on my assignment. So good-bye 'diary'. You shall hopefully see me soon.
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Posted by Bubloo on 2009-04-21 15:46:45 | Rating: | Views: 51
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