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For a long time my mom told me I was depressed... Then this last year came around and went so fast. I skiped alot of high school cause of alot of issues I had and I would be graduating after this up coming year but I screwed up big time. I feel like I missed a hunk of my life and I started to hide how I felt and I told everyone I was ok and I even started to try to convince my self that I was ok, But it didnt turn out how I wanted it to. In this last year I haved moved 4 different times. I was used to moving I did that alot growing up. But I moved to wellend with my parents and then I found it didnt work there. I thought ok new start get my life back but it ended up getting flushed down the toilet cause my stupid emotions. Then I moved to the falls by my self into my older sisters house then january came around and I moved to st kitts with my other sister. That turned out horribly so my mom broke up with my dad and just recently we found a small basement apartment and I live with my mother and my younger sister. Money is hard and I should be getting a job, But I cant bring my self to I feel so angery at my parents and I feel so stupid for screwing up so many things in my life I had dreams to do things after high school and now I think I'll be like the rest of my family never graduating getting pregnant at a young age and struggling the rest of my life with money.....and I dont know where to go from here then I just ended a relation ship with an ex and its killing me I broke up with him cause I didnt wanna hold em back he said he wanted to do so many things and I said to my self "those things dont include you...." and I'm madly in love with this guy and everything seems so messed up and I wish things were just back to the way they were about a year ago...but Ive messed things up so bad and I feel like I cant fix it this time. Ontop of this all my best friend who I ve known for like 12 years and who has always been there for me when I needed someone to cry to is gone all the way to bc and I miss her so much she was like a sister to me and it just feels like my family is falling apart my moms drinking alot and my other sister is drunk and buzzed off energy drinks and beer 24/7 and I'm worried about every one and everything. What makes all this worse is I'm only 17. I shouldnt be having these problems not like this! I should be getting into trouble and getting yelled at by both my parents for sneaking out to get drunk or somthing like that, But I never have done that cause I was to busy hiding from everyone and everything! I dont know how to live any other way cause Ive lived this way for so long. The more I'm alone the more I think and thinking for me is bad cause I think about every little detailed thing that could happen or is happening or did happen and I hate everything. I just need some one here and I dont have anyone. My mom never listens to me and when I try to talk to her it always sorry I got to go to work or I'm to busy, or I got to clean up the house or I dont feel like talking any excuse you can think of she comes up with it to avoid talking to me about anything. Beacuase of that I got to the point where I wouldnt talk to anyone I would keep everthing to my self and now I just cant handle anything any more and I know this doesnt sound that bad but there is alot I'm keeping out just for the reason that this would be massivly long even though it already is I just wish somone could see all this through my eyes so I knew I wasnt going completely Friggin insane! |
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Posted by Broken_Gal on 2008-07-14 05:17:12 | Rating: | Views: 35
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Your a very brave girl.
i would not no what to do if i was in your situtation.
If you ever need to talk.
just reply back.
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Posted by Dannielle
on 2008-07-14 06:07:39
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Thanks thats really nice of you to say but I dont feel so brave...
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Posted by Broken_Gal
on 2008-07-14 20:02:01
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I probably cannot relate to you from teenage perspective but maybe I can change your general outlook-I'll try.
I am 38, dead broke, recently diagnosed with ADHD (as well as my 8yr old son) three kids, my wife worries constantly to the point of becomming depressed everyday. We lost a $500,000.00 house, over 100k in investments, 20k in cash, one of my businesses had to be dismantled (ten years of hard work)The money disapeared and so did my freinds,and we damn near lost our home here in NH. This is my life now.
When I was around your age, My mother threw me out at sixteen, I lived on my own until I graduated (by one point on a test that the teacher gave me), I lost my girlfreind of five years, drank myself insane for about six months..................you get the picture.
Try every day to simply find something good, something true and real. If you can find something that makes you smile-even if its a cookie or a good song-take it all in-enjoy the moment even if it lasts thirty seconds. The little moments you can take during chaos will help you grow. Your life will pay any price you ask, if you seek happiness and serenity, find it, make it your goal, it may take time because most things that are worth doing or having take commitment and you need not be a super hero to make a commitment.
Help those that need help and help someone you have never met before too-even if it's helping an elderly person up stairs or ? Look around, the little clues life leaves for you are everywhere and they will present themselves if you only look.
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Posted by Lastlighthouse
on 2008-07-14 22:55:20
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