Honestly,
I am shallow, self-centered, seeking immediate gratification, disinterested in much that's not within 3 feet around me, and sometimes abrasive.

I say what I know to be truth, but I don't feel it.  I keep finding myself feeling sorry for myself, mad at God, mad at myself for being so stupid as to think I could really be accepted into a family I'm not blood related to.
As far as that goes, who cares about blood anyway.

When I wake up, I wish I hadn't.  I pray every time, please God, help me do this day, please don't make me do this day. 

I am unable to think of anything that would make this better except for my husband to realize what he's done and want to make amends.  I still call him that.  I still wear my ring, though every day I wonder why I do.  It's sick.  After he tried to destroy me.  Destroy is the only word that fits.  And Noah.  He was being poisoned every day watching it.

At least the ring keeps guys away.  I look younger than I am, which I like, but last time this 21 yr old asked me out.  Embarrassing. What do you say, "Im nearly old enough to be your mother"?

sigh.  there are good days and bad days.