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Dissociation

An event, a phrase, a "happening" appears without my permission. A past memory overtakes the present. My vision tunnels, all I can hear is my breathing, deeper and slower, and I fall into it.

In this darkness everything is vivid. I am younger, I am somewhere else, and I'm someone else. I don't have the skills I now possess. I don't have the strength. I weakly submit to this pain. How helpless I am! No feeling of worth. Darkness.

Then from outside of this I hear "Come unto me, you who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest." Now I remember; there is Truth! In the darkness, the worst lies appear real. In the light they are exposed. Now I remember, I'm a daughter, I'm a child, I'm the bride of Christ! I stand up and leave the dark place. It's silly.

I am me again. I believe Truth and I'm set free. But there's this little hook in me. It's hanging onto the idea that maybe the darkness is right. Who do I think I am? Truth has an answer for that. But the hook stays there.

I decide the hook is the human-ness of my mind. It won't go away for now, but I can weaken it. I leap into the water of the Word. I breathe in words of Life,

and it changes me.