Thoughts.com

I am single... for the first time in almost 3 years. Mutual breakup. well really just a trial separation. we were in a rut. I feel so free. :D

Bright_Eyes

I just want to thank everyone who has been so supportive. It feels wonderful to read through all of the encouraging comments and it means a lot to me. :) I never thought that the rantings of a lonely 19 yr old would gain so much attention. Haha, this is starting to sound like an acceptance speech. I did just watch the VMAs so if everyone could just bear with me. lol anyways just thanks. All of the encouraging words are great and I love em. :)

I have not posted in over a month. That is mainly due to that fact that I have been sinkling in a hole of misery. Damn that makes me sound so pathetic. However, it is exactly how I feel. I am just going through waves of depression. I dont know how to even try to handle it. I have pretty much figured out that I have severe social anxiety. Leaving my house alone is pretty much impossible. I avoid any and all new or akward situations. It is really controlling my life. I'm not sure what I can do. Im still just surviving. Existing till sanity may come.

     I'm still dying from migraines. I have one right now. Typing is difficult. I'm trying to keep my mind occupied. I have another 2 hours at work and I don't know if I can make it. I have no pain killers on hand, and they probably wouldn't work anyways.I hate feeling like this at work. Being in pain and taking care if kids is a really bad combo. I am in desparate need of the money though. So I'm working about 35 hours a week, and trying to get good grades. Trying to pay bills, and trying to sleep as much as possible. (its the only thing that makes the migranes go away for awhile).
     On a positive note. My b/f finally got a job. After a year of looking he finally got one. I'm so excited. We NEED the extra money. I can almost see my future on the horizon... almost.
     I need to get over this pain. I need a brain transplant I swear. I hate being in pain so much. When I was a kid I used to love being sick. I get attention when I was sick and thats what was so great about it. When my maigraines first got bad, at least I was being taken care of. Now no one really even cares. WTF? They still hurt just as bad. And if you have ever had a migraine you know there is no way of just getting used to them. I just don't want to be in pain anymore. Its making life impossible. Its almost not worth living anymore. Constant pain is not life.

Bright_Eyes

So I haven't posted in awhile. Mainly because I've been in almost constant pain for the past couple weeks. The migraines have been nonstop. Everyone keeps telling me to go to the doctor... they should freakin give me money if they want me to go to the doctor. They know I can't afford it! Today is the first day I've felt somewhat normal. My migraine kind of slipped in and out. The sun went away though so that made things much better. Hopefully I don't wake up in pain tomorrow. I'm so exhausted. Being in constant pain is really draining, add work and homework on top of that... I'm wiped out. I'm so ready for bed and its 8:00 PM. I think I'll go though. Maybe I'll get some reading done b4 I pass out. Gnight world

Bright_Eyes