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 War of the Weeds
In an earlier post, I expressed my little violet problem, but what I didn't tell you is that it's not just violets I'm battling here.  There are also daisies and dandelions EVERYWHERE!  It's a friggin' nightmare!  I've spent days out there yanking and digging and cussing, and I was getting nowhere.  Because His Lordship (the tree-hugger) is a staunch defender of life in any form, and, in the interest of maintaining a peachful home life, I am unable to launch a full nuclear attack on my lawn.  No chemical warfare, no napalm...nuthin'!  Sigh...

I was on the brink of just tossing in the trowel and going native, when the most amazing thing happened.  I was out at the garden centre looking for ammo or advice or sympathy...anything, when I spotted the most amazing thing!  It was one of those moments where a stray ray of sunlight blasts through the clouds and angels sing.... 

A weed widget!  Oh, this thing is AWESOME!!!  I don't know if you've ever seen the movie Terminator 2, but there's a scene in there where Arnold picks up this HUMUNGUS gun and gets this look on his face.  If a facial expression can say "Oh HELL yeah!" that was the one!  Well picture that on MY face when I hefted this thing up for the first time.  It's absolutely beautiful!  It's big and solid and nasty-looking!  It has a big beefy shovel handle on one end it, and on the other end, there are four snarly serated blades, a clampadoodle thing and a foot pedal!  So you just ram the business end into the weed, stomp on the foot pedal, and pull!  Good-bye weed!  Hosta la vista, baby!  And the best part?  It's got a pump-action weed chucker, just like a shotgun!!  NOW we're talkin'!!

I'm finally beginning to believe I can win this war.  I feel powerful now!  So, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and don my camo gear and my kevlar and get some weeding done....but...

C'mon, say it with me....


I'll be back!!  :)
 
    Posted by BootLady on 2009-05-26 10:04:03 | Rating: | Views: 162
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You are a master at humor, so wish you were writing for television... a sitcom, a series anything because babes, I have not doubt it would be very entertaining. You are a treasure here on thoughts.
Posted by  greunie  on 2009-05-26 10:08:28 
  
Hmmm...whaddaya think, greunie, a reality show about weed wars...I can picture it now! :)
Posted by  BootLady  on 2009-05-26 13:35:21 
  
wot ya u like boots lol
violets weeds dandylions daisies hahahaha
u will b pround of ur garden when its done
Posted by  snugglebum57  on 2009-05-26 10:09:51 
  
Nah, snuggle, I'm never proud of my garden...maybe cuz it's NEVER EVER done!! ARGH!! Oops...was that my outside voice?
Posted by  BootLady  on 2009-05-26 13:36:31 
  
Hey I do a mean Arnold impression. I actually did his voice when you wrote "I'll be back" hahahahaha. Just don't tell the weeds to "stick around" lol.
Posted by  bigd49  on 2009-05-26 10:43:06 
  
Okay bigd...you, me...an Arnold-off! You in? :P
Posted by  BootLady  on 2009-05-26 13:40:46 
  
Go on with your bad self and whack those weeds!
Posted by  Vampwriter  on 2009-05-26 10:49:21 
  
I'm laughing too hard to reply to this, Vamp!
Posted by  BootLady  on 2009-05-26 13:41:26 
  
hahaha this is funny... and scary all at the same time... if I was the hubby I would be sleeping with one eye open.
Posted by  DouglasMB  on 2009-05-26 11:26:17 
  
Hmmm...now that you mention it...I've been wondering why he does that...
Posted by  BootLady  on 2009-05-26 13:42:35 
  
Posted by  GrammyandGrampy  on 2009-05-26 11:47:51 
  
Vin...
Vin...
...nope...I got nuthin'
Yer killin' me here!
Posted by  BootLady  on 2009-05-26 13:43:43 
  
I'd get yourself a Farabella horse. Then everyone would be happy.

Of course, you know where I stand on gardening - on the patio, with a glass of something chilled, waiting for the barbeque to get lit.
Posted by  Perigo_Minas  on 2009-05-26 12:20:59 
  
Horses poop, though, don't they? I'm not really sure which would be worse.

I really do like your stand on gardening - I'm going to rethink my strategy...
Posted by  BootLady  on 2009-05-26 13:45:43 
  
My bad - I meant Falabella. They don't get bigger than 32" at the shoulder, so their poop (which should be good for the roses) never arrives in much quantity. So - hippy hubby happy, as we have an all-natural weed suppressant, and with lawn mown with zero effort, Boots happy on patio with drinky. Huzzah!

Sometimes, I even amaze myself ;)
Posted by  Perigo_Minas  on 2009-05-27 03:15:16 
  
I live in an apartment and there is nothing but trees. I tried to plant some flower seeds and such in a small flowerbed in front of my building but they came along a couple of days later and dug up my plants and planted two stupid useless dead rose bushes. I am still not sure that I have ever seen it flower. I think, I would be grateful for some weeds, so when you pull them with your salad shooter, would you mind shooting them down to Houston? Hehe I love ya silly girl! I sure have missed you.
Posted by  heatherslife  on 2009-05-26 14:21:52 
  
Oh man, keep that thing away from ET!!!!!!!!!

E
Posted by  Evetspordlaw  on 2009-05-26 14:41:48 
  
Good grief my Tim sounds like your hubby. He thinks dandelions are pretty flowers. I told him to shut up when hes talking to me.
Posted by  pitapie50  on 2009-05-26 21:00:26 
  
So now that you have this deadly weapon, is this going to be your new career.

Whackin Weeds am I inc......

Hope you win the war.

Boots the Ruler.

Begone dear violets
Posted by  KP  on 2009-05-26 23:45:17 
  
go get em - BL before they go into the future ....Puck
Posted by  puck  on 2009-05-27 15:19:53 
  
I wish I knew how to type this really, really small. I like daisies and dandelions. When the sun is out and the grass is green, it's sort of nice to see their wee faces looking up. Violets are just soooo pretty and poppies - oh, I love poppies. So please miss BL, leave your gun at home.
Posted by  overthehillandfar...  on 2009-05-27 17:07:26 
  
Boot Lady, just tried to leave a comment and got booted off. I have the same problem with violets but I poison mine, still doesn't get rid of them they just keep on coming up, will try and buy your weed killer on the weekend.
Posted by  sharnsgarden  on 2009-05-28 02:59:14 
  
Hey I need something to keep the weeds out of my weed!
Posted by  EdwardNorton  on 2009-05-31 06:07:33 
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BootLady
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