For several weeks now, I have been waging my silent and stoic war against the dreaded violets that have infiltrated my lawn. I have been out there every fargin’ day for hours on end, digging, rooting, mangling, destroying. I have mutilated my body for the cause – I have cuts on every one of my fingers, bug bites galore, a really impressive mutilation on my leg (don’t ask), and a dozen decimated finger nails (that might be a teensy exaggeration). I have raised the art of cussing to a whole new level (I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but it’s true). I’ve been attacked by ant colonies, bands of rogue slugs, giant blood-sucking mosquitoes, and one extremely irate chipmunk. Have I yielded? Hell NO! Tenacious is my middle name! Not even when that giant toad tried to tear my arm off did I quit.
My neighbours are avoiding me. I’m not sure if my shrieks of “DIE, DEMON-SPAWN!!” has put them off a bit, but they no longer come by to sip iced tea and shoot the breeze. They just stay away. Maybe it’s because I discovered a while ago that the mosquitoes are attracted to my deodorant, so I don’t put it on when I go to war. Hmmm…yep, that could be it. Whatever…
Today, I am happy to report that the first wave of the mission is complete. Every last adult violet has been annihilated. You’d think that would be cause for celebration, wouldn’t you? Alas, it’s only the beginning. I think I told you in an earlier post that these things make the breeding habits of rabbits look amateurish. Well, I didn’t lie. I also didn’t quite get all of the little buggers out of the ground before their pods exploded and blew seeds all over the place. Although it’s true, I have actually contemplated hurling myself from the roof, and I’d be entirely justified in doing so, I will NOT yield! When the baby violets grow big enough to show themselves, I will be lying in ambush. NO MERCY!!
While I’m waiting for this to happen, and happen it will (SIGH!), there’s always clover…
I love summer.
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