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Let's be perfectly honest here, I get paid to (a) sell boots, and (b) play nice with the customers. (a) is a no-brainer, but (b)? Well, some days it's a challenge.
I've locked horns a few times and been glared at bigtime by The Grand Imperial Poohbah as a result. Oh c'mon! Sometimes an asshole is just an asshole and he needs to have this pointed out to him. Am I wrong?
Anyway...I have this one customer. I guess you'd call him a "regular." He is...now how do I say this delicately?...hygenically challenged. Which is deeply unfortunate, because this guy is what you'd call a "bubble invader." You know the type: they schmooze themselves into your
"personal space." They brush up against you randomly and talk (with their missing-most-of-their-teeth dog-breath) right in your face. ACK!!
Back to my point about playing nice with the customers...I am fine with that. I can be nice (because I'm paid to) to almost anyone. But stay the hell outa my bubble!! (Oh sorry - minor outburst there)
So, this guy (idiot) comes in today. He walks right up (by "right up" I mean INTO my bubble) to me and says "blah blah blah (my inside voice: ohgawd-goaway before I pass out!) blah" I do my best Michael Jackson shuffle to reclaim my get-away-from-me zone, and he compensates and reinsinuates himself!! My evil twin is screaming "get the fargin' hose!" while I just smile away and nod at whatever it is he's babbling about. This happens everytime this gentleman (creep) comes in. Why? I have no idea! No, that's not true - it's because I'm paid to play nice. And this is a person (freak) who is probably not used to nice.
Out in the real world, I'd more than likely shred this little turd to ribbons. But in the work world, well, he's my best friend.
Sigh...
I think it's really unfair that I have to suppress my nature when I'm at work. I protest, dammit! I should be allowed to whack jerks like this in the forehead with a 15-pound 8-inch full-on workboot!
Dont'cha think?  |
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Posted by BootLady on 2008-07-15 00:04:23 | Rating: | Views: 116
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Ahh but now Boots, you can give them names tell us about them, and then when they do come in you have a giggle at our comments. This guy should be bad breath bubble burster. There you go, serve him next time and don't think about that tongue twister.
Oh and also you just have to become very good at Sarcasm!!! Which I don't think you'd be too bad at ?? With all due respect :)
Great blog, Loved it.
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-07-15 00:41:47
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Bootster - you should be allowed to fully express your inner angel...lol x Or the evil twin if thats more fun! Haha! I renamed all my nurses and now even Manny McMannerton (beard, and sounds like Barry Friggin White) is amusing to me. Poke your fun, on here and we will laugh along with you. The next time he gets in your bubble...just start a coughing fit, apologise and say you KNEW you shouldnt have left the hospital too soon, but that its ALMOST not contageous anymore and that he 'should be safe! That should get him to back off a bit xxx hehehehehehe xxx Dave xxx
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Posted by geordiedreamer
on 2008-07-15 03:12:07
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Easy, m'dear, Sarcasm is my middle name! It's completely lost on this critter.
Dave, I love the coughing idea. I've been thinking of trying flatulence, but your idea is much more ladylike! Besides, I'm pretty sure I'm incapable of producing a smell worse than his!
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Posted by BootLady
on 2008-07-15 06:51:52
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Geez, like I totally wish you and I worked together. I think the same way. My boss is a total bubble popper for sure, not to mention he also has horrible ass breath. UGH! But as always in the work world - Just smile and nod!!
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Posted by Snapz
on 2008-07-15 18:06:04
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Wear a hygenic mask,if you wanna do a Michael Jackson.and those really official looking purple surgical gloves.
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Posted by circe
on 2008-07-15 23:41:37
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Hiya Snapz! Wouldn't it be cool if we could just unleash our evil twin on these idiots?
LOL circe, by Jove I think you've got it! Next time he comes in, I'll just whip out my surgical mask and put it on! And maybe spray him down with an industrial strength can of Stink-B-Gone!
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Posted by BootLady
on 2008-07-16 06:44:15
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Oh gawwd.. I feel sorry for you! I guess you could just politely tell him to step back a bit? Or would that get you in hot water.. :S
Either way, eek.
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Posted by Mezlie
on 2008-07-16 07:18:34
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Febreeze him, if that doesn't work use the fire extinguisher.
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Posted by pitapie50
on 2008-07-16 09:45:31
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Ugh - you poor thing. I don't think I could take it. How about next time he's in your bubble, you help yourself to an Altoid and politely ask if he'd like one as well? They are curiously strong, those Altoids..
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-07-16 10:17:21
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Hiya Mezlie! This guy doesn't do polite...he also doesn't do in-your-face hints...or distasteful facial expressions - lol
LMAO Pita! You're my hero! You always cut to the chase!
Hi Meri! I really like the Altoid idea...my fear is that if I offer him something/anything he'll take it as some sort of bizarre come-on!
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Posted by BootLady
on 2008-07-16 17:42:57
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I recommend a little camphor under the nostrils. The people on CSI do it, I mean, really. . .they smell dead people and stuff, surely that's no worse than your bubble busting boot bandit. I'm calling him a bandit because he steals clean air. If you don't want the camphor, you could excuse yourself and place a clothespin over your nose. I could also recommend breathing through your mouth, but if you are like me, you get creeped out by the thought that the smell has some tangible quality that you are now SWALLOWING which will make its way into your inner most being and can't be exhaled out quite as easily as just through the nostrils. Silly I know, but that's why they call me cwazy wabbit. See ya!
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Posted by cwzywbt
on 2008-07-17 00:43:42
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Oh you wascally wbt! Camphor could work (the clothespin sounds painful!)and I'm with ya on the mouth-breathing thing! I've had so many great suggestions, but I think I'm just gonna spring for a hazmat suit and be done with it!
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Posted by BootLady
on 2008-07-17 06:02:28
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I feel for you..I deal with DOG BREATH all day everyday!! I am a Dog Walker (he he) But for you in an enclosed space..ugh..at least i am outside!!!
You should have a big bucket of mints by the door and tell him to grab a HANDFUL!!
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Posted by Dogenthusiast
on 2008-07-17 15:36:17
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I dunno, DogLady...dogs come by their breath honestly enough. They put some REALLY nasty stuff in their mouths, not to mention the things they sniff and lick (let's not go there). Where this guy gets his evil smell from I wouldn't care to speculate!
Love the mints idea, though!
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Posted by BootLady
on 2008-07-18 11:21:34
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What I want to know is, how long have you been able to hold your breath and still be able to talk without seeing spots?
Hugs
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Posted by 1221dol0306
on 2008-07-21 09:32:46
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