Thoughts.com Blogs - Older and Wiser....Not So Much...

I'm getting to an age where, technically, I should be at least beginning to qualify for the "older and wiser" club. However....

My best girlfriend called me up to tell me she'd wrecked her back and was off work for a few days. It just so happened to be my day off, so, like a good friend, I went to spend the afternoon with my pitiful buddy. It was a beautiful day! One of the first sunny warm days after a long and gruelling Canadian winter.

When I got to her house, she was holed up inside watching TV and looking pretty gloomy. My first course of action was to drag her sorry arse outside into the sunshine! My second course of action (which is where this tale goes awry) was to crack a bottle of wine!

We had the most wonderful day! Sitting outside on the patio, sipping on some pinot grigio, and solving all the problems of the world. We argued back and forth, expounded on various philosophies, made obscene phonecalls (okay, that's a whole other story), and laughed until our sides hurt!

Suddenly, and we're still mystified as to how this could have happened, it was evening, and her husband was pulling in the driveway. The two of us are, by this time, roaring drunk, and sunburnt beyond all recognition. To our credit, it IS only April, and as all good Canucks know, NOBODY gets sunburnt in April! It just isn't done! (It sometimes even snows in April!!) Well, my buddy's husband took one look at us and shook his head, mumbled something like "oh, that's gonna hurt!" and went inside to grab a beer.

He was right. It DOES hurt!! I can't remember ever having fried myself quite this badly!! I actually think I might have sunstroke! What else could explain being spun enough to sit outside in the sun all day, exposing my pasty-white winter hide to those evil UV rays in a tank-top sans sunscreen?? Oh wait, you're right...there's a small flaw in my logic there....I did the stupid stuff BEFORE I got the sunstroke! Damn! Well, it was worth a shot. I guess I have no explanation for doing something so dumb....sigh....

All I can do now is wait for my skin to peel and fall off and hope like hell that my kids don't suddenly show up and find out for sure that their mom is a idiot! (I've always tried to keep them guessing...)

I'm not saying I'll learn from my mistakes and never do it again. I'm saying that I'm hoping that my kids are smarter than I am and that all the times I chased them out the door waving sunscreen at them will have done some good!

I guess my membership in the "older and wiser" club will have to wait until I achieve the "wiser" bit. Is there an "older and hopelessly dopey" club??

Sign me up!