Be warned!
I am armed with a lethal weapon!

If you are feeling down
or are being too hard on yourself
I'll blow sunshine out my arse
to cheer you
or
at least
make you look on the bright side
if I think the bright side needs a look

If you are behaving
like
an idiot
I will blow some of my
brain cells
in your direction
(but please give them back when you're done with them
- I'm running a little low)

If you attack me or my family
I'll reload
and
blow venom and pointy things
from my arse-cannon
and take you off
at the knees
Expect
NO MERCY!

Don't imagine that you know best!
It's MY damn cannon!
And MY damn ammo!

So there!