Thoughts.com Blogs - It's May...sigh...

Oh I know, I've been kinda quiet lately. I'm not what you'd call a "prolific blogger" at the best of times, but I usually have things ricochetting around in my empty head, which, when they pick up enough speed, will erupt into a post. Lately, though, I've been cranky. I don't wanna become a cranky blogger so when I'm feeling like this I just read posts instead of writing them.

I'm not someone who is given to melodrama. Au contraire. I am, generally speaking, pretty laid back and level-headed. I don't suffer from anger management issues because I rarely experience anger. Don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying that if I applied myself, I couldn't come up with all sorts of things to be angry at or about. It's not ME, though. I don't watch the news or read the paper, I don't look for things to piss me off. So I pretty much float around in my portable happy place and enjoy life.

I know what you're thinking..."whatever she's on, I want some!" I wish it were that simple.

Well....that bit was waaaay more of an introspective burp than it set out to be. Let's cut to the chase and talk about why I'm cranky.

It's May.

Yup, that's about it. May has always been one of my favourite months, but THIS May, as the month rolled into existence, it suddenly dawned on me...it's now officially been TWO years since I last had a raise! ARGH!

Let me give a little background here...I'll try not to be too boring. I've been at my current job for three and a half years. I rocketed to what I guess is "the top" in the first few months. This surprised the hell out of me more than anyone else. I'm not an aggressive person. I chose this job because I was bored and because it sounded like fun. The raises came at an almost alarming rate.

This went on for the first oh, year and a half, I guess. Then suddenly nada, zippo, zilch, big bupkiss. So I thought "Hmmm...whuttup?" The Grand Imperial Poohbah said I was doing an awesome job, was an asset, yadda yadda. But no more raises. After a year of no more raises, I began to wonder if maybe I had become complacent. I dug in. Worked harder. Nuthin'. When last May came and went and no raise materialized, but hints were dropped that it was in the works, I let it slide. Every week when I tore open my paycheque...nuthin'. Well, as I said, it's now been two years since my last raise and it's seriously messing with my morale.

Here's what no raise says to me: I am no more valuable now than I was two years ago. Hogwash!! Just ask me, I'll tell you how damn wonderful I am!! Cripes!

I think where I went wrong was in loving my job. I'm really happy with what I'm doing. I have a great bunch of co-workers and the work is fun! A person in this state is a sitting duck for Poohbah-people to toy with. Someone who loves their job isn't likely to leave. Even if the pay sucks. For me, loving my job is way more important than making obscene amounts of money. (Not that I don't admit to a certain curiosity regarding what making obscene amounts of money would feel like....) So why then should I care that I haven't had a raise? Because nobody wants to drone on ad infinitum without being appreciated. It would cost him such an insignificant sum to blow this black cloud off of my head.

I'm told all the time that I'm appreciated. It's nice I suppose, but whenever he SAYS something like that, my evil twin (ET) strains at her leash and screams, "I want you to "appreciate" me with your damn wallet, you cheap dork!!"

Man, I hope ET doesn't break her leash and escape! I could be in BIG trouble!